National Lazy Day

I like to start stuff. Not just fights.

In December, I declared a National Coffee Day. IVs in by 8 a.m. and don’t stop until the shakes.

I declared National Sweatpants Day in January. Then I got multiple tweets asking if yoga pants counted. I deliberated with my team of crackin’ marketers, also known as the voices in my head, and we agreed to call them “sexy sweatpants” for the day. Although I’d like to add that if you haven’t done yoga in the past year, you must purchase sweatpants.

One of my favorite tweeters, @kristinglas, is always on board. I suspect that despite our difference (she likes to cook and doesn’t appreciate candy as much as she should), we could change the world one national holiday at a time.

As you know, we celebrated Valentine’s Day by scheduling my son’s second dental surgery for those wayward cavity-filled teeth. It went well. Except for him biting the crap out of his numb tongue.  And feeling guilty for feeding him heart-shaped peeps afterwards.

But even the guilt could not last long.  Because post-surgery day became National Lazy Day.

By 3 p.m., I was back in my pajamas, and we hadn’t turned off the television once.

Between PBS, Pixar movies and streaming Netflix through our iPhones, I got to kill all creative thinking and develop the beginnings of a bed sore. I was also able to return phone calls, tweet, write and eat candy hearts and popcorn until the sun set.

What a National Lazy Day looks like.

This day is my best invention yet. I usually can’t live out my lazy fantasies because kids need NURTURING and ATTENTION and it’s rumored that cartoon cats don’t count. And I often have to teach or drive or be in the world, which demands underwear.

So today I relished in this rare opportunity to be my amazing, lazy self. Because I love television, movies, pajamas, candy and takeout.

Since y’all probably didn’t realize it was National Lazy Day, mostly because I was too lazy to tweet or facebook it, I will declare another one.  Probably.

Here are some lazy preparation tips:

  • Call into work.
  • Get your Netflix ready.
  • Underwear is allowable but optional.
  • Bras are neither allowable nor optional.
  • Making sense is not required.
  • Have hard-soled slippers on the off-chance you have to walk outside to stop your child from running into the road or to let your dog out
  • Don’t acknowledge your neighbors unless you are willing to put on pants
  • Don’t be willing to put on pants
  • Have a book on hand for when you’re too lazy to change the channel.
  • Teach your cats to retrieve blankets, pillows and the telephone.
  • Leave your keys in the door so your pizza delivery man can let himself in and out.
  • Learn jujitsu just in case it’s not the pizza delivery man.

Have fun, my friends. Or don’t if fun is too much work.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

25 thoughts to “National Lazy Day”

  1. I love lazy days and my house usually looks much worse than yours after I have a lazy day (except there is no food lying around my house because I have two dogs). I hope you enjoyed your lazy day. Maybe you should make it a weekly holiday.

  2. Why -WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME?

    I spent a day doing something when I didn’t have to? That’s a tragedy.

    Though, actually, about half my days are actually lazy/do nothing days, so I’m not sure what it would have changed.

  3. Fortunately I saw the laziness beacon and celebrated right along side of you. I never made it out of my pajamas and watched no less than 10 episodes of Burn Notice. My ass still hurts.

  4. I love this idea…my kids have been sick for three weeks straight (with three kids it takes a while to get everyone well) and I’ve watched more Princess & the Frog, Despicable Me, and Scooby Doo than I care to admit. Trying to get the kids to eat and drink while sick we’ve had our share of crackers, pretzels and cereal in bowls & I’m sure if we run out of food we can live off the floor crumbs for at least 11 days. The only one that concerns me is the jujitsu …seems like a lot of effort and I wonder if you think buying a killer robot or guard dog instead would be an acceptable alternative.
    Great idea & I hope you run for some kind of office…I’d totally vote for you unless I was having a lazy day of course.

  5. YES! I totally participated in Lazy Day yesterday and didn’t even know it. I guess that’s the perfect way, right? to not even *try* to achieve maximum laziness yet still achieve it?

    now if only I could train my cats to go downstairs and fetch me food.

  6. We participated on Sunday. The kids watched Despicable Me 3 times, Cars at least 2 times, as well as many episodes of Imagination Movers and Handy Manny. I, on the other hand, watched 10+ episodes of Glee. Meal choices for the day included Hershey Kisses and lollipops.

  7. I hereby nominate you for the position of Official National Holiday Declarer because really, you’re doing a bang-up job.

    Can we have a weekly lazy day? I really think we need them that often.

  8. Next valentine’s day can I switch places with you please? I had a terrible day complete with a fucking mouse crawling into my bread box ruining close to $50 worth of bread.

  9. Love this! But why stop at a day? Why not declare it National Lazy MONTH? Although you’d have to share this month with Black History Month…and that could be problematic. Either way – I’m thinking a month long celebration of this type of lifestyle is in order. I’m in!

  10. thank you for your national holiday declarations. i will celebrate national lazy day the next time you, uh, don’t tweet/blog it…
    i would like to add the following to your list if i, a new reader, may be so bold:
    – showers/bathing are unnecessary
    – only brush your teeth if you feel that they have grown little fur coats. or just eat another piece of pizza.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.