I like to start stuff. Not just fights.
In December, I declared a National Coffee Day. IVs in by 8 a.m. and don’t stop until the shakes.
I declared National Sweatpants Day in January. Then I got multiple tweets asking if yoga pants counted. I deliberated with my team of crackin’ marketers, also known as the voices in my head, and we agreed to call them “sexy sweatpants” for the day. Although I’d like to add that if you haven’t done yoga in the past year, you must purchase sweatpants.
One of my favorite tweeters, @kristinglas, is always on board. I suspect that despite our difference (she likes to cook and doesn’t appreciate candy as much as she should), we could change the world one national holiday at a time.
As you know, we celebrated Valentine’s Day by scheduling my son’s second dental surgery for those wayward cavity-filled teeth. It went well. Except for him biting the crap out of his numb tongue. And feeling guilty for feeding him heart-shaped peeps afterwards.
But even the guilt could not last long. Because post-surgery day became National Lazy Day.
By 3 p.m., I was back in my pajamas, and we hadn’t turned off the television once.
Between PBS, Pixar movies and streaming Netflix through our iPhones, I got to kill all creative thinking and develop the beginnings of a bed sore. I was also able to return phone calls, tweet, write and eat candy hearts and popcorn until the sun set.
This day is my best invention yet. I usually can’t live out my lazy fantasies because kids need NURTURING and ATTENTION and it’s rumored that cartoon cats don’t count. And I often have to teach or drive or be in the world, which demands underwear.
So today I relished in this rare opportunity to be my amazing, lazy self. Because I love television, movies, pajamas, candy and takeout.
Since y’all probably didn’t realize it was National Lazy Day, mostly because I was too lazy to tweet or facebook it, I will declare another one. Probably.
Here are some lazy preparation tips:
- Call into work.
- Get your Netflix ready.
- Underwear is allowable but optional.
- Bras are neither allowable nor optional.
- Making sense is not required.
- Have hard-soled slippers on the off-chance you have to walk outside to stop your child from running into the road or to let your dog out
- Don’t acknowledge your neighbors unless you are willing to put on pants
- Don’t be willing to put on pants
- Have a book on hand for when you’re too lazy to change the channel.
- Teach your cats to retrieve blankets, pillows and the telephone.
- Leave your keys in the door so your pizza delivery man can let himself in and out.
- Learn jujitsu just in case it’s not the pizza delivery man.
Have fun, my friends. Or don’t if fun is too much work.