Dawg, You Can’t Buy These Parenting Skills

Whenever we go to the store my daughter gravitates to the Hallmark cards. (Yes, I did link to them. I will do it as much as I want because I’m a HALLMARK GOLD MEMBER already. That’s like two steps away from writing cards for them.)

My daughter walks along the aisle touching each and every card until she finds what she needs.

N: Dawg. (For the record: I’m not exaggerating her accent.)

Her eyes light up.


Me: Yes, that’s a dog.

She picks it up and brings it closer to my face. In case this dog in a bow/hat/lei/fez/braids/beer looks different than the dog in shoes/cape/scrunchie/earrings/car on last week’s card.

Joyful tidings of DAWG! DAWG! DAWG! fill the store.  And for the rest of the our time getting soap, socks and ibuprofen, she clutches the card like I’d clutch a mink stole in a P.E.T.A. meet-up.

At the end of a delightful wander through throngs of candles, cat food and candy, we arrive at the cash register, and I am faced with 2 choices:

  1. I can pull the card from my 20-month-old’s small vice-like hands and face tears of dawg, mama? my dawg? while attempting to pay for an arm full of toiletries without losing my bored four-year-old to the family with three older boys and a cart of Disney DVDs.
  2. I can buy a $1.99 card and leave with my dignity.

Tonight, I opened our most recent DAWG card purchase.

Silly giant white poodles in sunglasses!
Um, woot?

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

35 thoughts to “Dawg, You Can’t Buy These Parenting Skills”

  1. Fantastic! Kid – who is 5 is obsessed with cards. We buy boxes of old cards at yard sales etc. Recently, she gave my sister in-law a card that said “Happy Valentine’s Day to the World’s Best Mom.” for her birthday. Win.

  2. Dignity comes with a price. My little one screams ‘cards?!?’ as we move swiftly past them. ‘Cardz?!?’ Can you hear the plaintive crescendo?

  3. You made the right choice. It was worth the $2 to avoid the melt down of both kids. Plus, you have an awesome card for a girlfriend, provided the little one forgets about it. Does she hold onto them for extended periods of time?

  4. I’m a Hallmark Gold Crown member, too. It’s a very exclusive club – you have to give them your email address in order to get in.

    Love the front of the card. The inside is hilarious, and I suggest you separate the two so Jr. can have the dogs and you can just enjoy the sentiment of the words with no picture.

  5. You should always let your daughter select your greeting cards– She is obviously very good at it!

    My 13 month old can’t get enough of the cards people sent over the holidays– probably because they all have pictures of babies on them. The holiday cards have replaced my iPhone as the only way to get her to stay still while I change her diaper. We now have a pile of holiday cards on her changing table to use in case of emergency. So if you ever send me a card, it will probably get eaten and pooped on.

  6. That. Is. Awesome. I’m all about picking battles, and I don’t think I would have fought that one either. And you totally have to keep all those cards to show her when she’s older.

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