When we had Ratchet dog (who has been re-adopted! yay!), we bought biodegradable doggy crap bags. Luckily, they came with directions broken down into six easy-to-follow steps because “steward of the environment” might also mean “moron”.
Our neighbors*, finding our love of the environment repugnant, since global warming is just a natural course of events towards creating a super race of wealthy white people who can’t leave their homes without gas masks and semi-automatic weapons to keep the starving masses at bay, started leaving THESE by our home.
On closer inspection, these bags, damning my grandchildren to a treeless life, do NOT have directions on them. But clearly our neighbors have grasped steps one through five ALL ON THEIR OWN. I am amazed myself.
The little blue bags of defecation just need a sentence to get their attention:
IF YOU PUT THIS IN A TRASH CAN, YOUR NEIGHBOR WILL NOT KEEP A YARD FULL OF CHILDREN’S TOYS AND RAINBOW FLAGS
Meanwhile, I have not retaliated. Mostly because I could only throw people feces at them like some angry caged monkey. My cats? Are sneaky poopers. They’re like your girlfriend before she became your wife. WHO KNOWS WHERE SHE USED TO PUT IT? Unless the cat is permanently indoors, you can’t get that crap in a bag. It’s the booger you pick and flick into the air. POOF! It disappears.
CAT POOP IS JUST LIKE THAT.
Too bad my neighbors aren’t.
*We have at least two neighbors who aren’t suspects. Psst, there’s a spot in the apocalypse tree for you.