Shaking The Stupid Out Of People. Starting With Me.

I read two posts yesterday that drove me to crazy. Like literally as I’m reading, I’m in the car-of-rants on my way to crazyville where I will bring up said posts and my brilliant lectures every few minutes until I stupidly write this is my facebook status update:

Yes. I am the idiot who thought I would just post my status and go along my merry way.

In my idiot-defense, I posted it in an attempt to quell the urge to use the offending blogger’s comment field to reign down reasonableness and mockery with all the power and mercilessness that I could muster.

I wanted to SMITE the post.


I held back because other commenters had already written everything that needed writing. And I got to be proud for the five minutes before I’m all drama on a post that I should’ve let go.

By the ninth request for the link, I had to make a decision. Do I post the link in the comments? On my profile? How public am I willing to go? Do I want to drive traffic to the blog? Do I want to know if my friends think it’s okay?

And I especially felt uncomfortable with sending the link to other bloggers who asked. Because they might know the person. Be FRIENDS. Social media makes it hard for an already awkward person to tell who are real friends, who are blog buddies and who don’t know the other person exists.

Last week, I found out that a newer friend is the sister-in-law to an old friend of mine. And I kept thinking: OMG. My new friend is the sister-in-law that my not-friends-with-anymore friend used to constantly mock. Wow. That’s uncomfortable.

On the Internets this possibility exists one-hundred-fold. I don’t even know if some of you EXIST!

I could list a person a month that I became close to through emails and DMs and gchat who suddenly stopped talking to me. Usually not because of a falling out. They just wandered away. Who knows who is in whose “tribe” today? (also that was a lot of who who’s whose to figure out. i would like a gold star if i got it right)

At the same time, is it fair to let people know that I {gasp} have a strong opinion on something? Even disagreeing with a person I like? Are we only supposed to cheer on the good? Or can we tell the bad, ugly or downright dangerous posts to CEASE AND DESIST?

So I send the post along to a few people who asked for it. Under two conditions. 1) They are not bloggers. 2) They do NOT let me know if they disagree with my shock and anger. I can’t handle knowing if they have ever subscribed to this line of thinking. I’m not saying that they have to agree with me. I just made it clear that I couldn’t handle KNOWING it.

I have about five topics that drive me so bonkers that I can’t handle discussions. Because I’m pretty sure THERE IS NO OTHER SIDE TO UNDERSTAND.

Oh and the other post that made me writhe in anguish as possibly the most unhealthy post that I had ever read regarding children? Well, I just removed myself from that blogger’s line of sight. Seriously. I have my limits and two posts, that make me debate whether CPS needs to start a file, is two too many for one night.

Now MY post isn’t meant to get you to friend me on facebook or ask me for the links. It’s meant to serve as a warning. If you really want to let something go? The Internets is NOT the place to do that. I think this is why I have a real life. Besides all the hugging and food consumption. It’s the only place that forces me to GET OVER IT and MOVE ON.

PS. It was not your post. So stop freaking out.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

30 thoughts to “Shaking The Stupid Out Of People. Starting With Me.”

  1. I find that my in-real-life social awkwardness translates well over the internet…into more awkwardness.

    It is hard to keep up with who is besties with who and who is feuding with who around blogland, so I just try to stay out of the drama as much as possible.

    I did have a moment a few months ago where I had confided a story from my past to a blogger friend that involved a person who she would *never* meet anyway….and later that same week we were on twitter and a close friend of hers from church (someone who is also close friends with the person from my story) saw it and put together who I was, and then told her all about how he knew me back when and blah blah blah. It got a little dicey there for a moment, but thankfully the story I told her wasn’t that bad or something that related to her friend’s life now. Whew!

    It sounds like that post was pretty bad, and I don’t blame you for feeling the need to vent about it on facebook (I have been there before)…but that next step is tricky. I think you handled it as best as you could.

    I just have to say it…two posts that make you think of a CPS call?! That is bad! Really, really bad!

  2. Seriously, for a second I thought, “Was it my post?!” Then I remember that I wrote about setting my pants on fire yesterday :). Unless you’re morally opposed to being an idiot.

    Yeah, the who who’s whose thing is a nightmare. Twice now, TWICE, I have complained to someone about someone, only to realize they were someone’s someone. Cringe. Lesson learned. It’s a big hairy internet out there, but ironically a very small worldwideweb. Bastards.

    1. I can’t hate when people light themselves on fire. Because I’ve done it. {sigh}
      I feel oddly better that you’ve put your foot in your mouth twice on the blogosphere. I can count on you! Ha!

  3. As a mom, and a reader, and a writer, and someone who puts her foot in her mouth CONSTANTLY, I can appreciate this situation. I really admire your strength in not firing off how you feel in the comment section of the offending blogs. I totally would have. Then I would have written a giant oops blog. That said, if you read something that “touches your yuck button” (as a friend of mine says and I stole) when it comes to kids, I think you should definitely say something. BUT, give yourself just the one comment. Do not engage in further debate. Get your feelings out without engaging in a comment fight. Does that make sense?
    PS, I’m probably going to leave you a million comments today, getting caught up on my reading, not stalking…allegedly…

    1. OMG. I love this.
      I held back because I wasn’t saying anything that hadn’t already been said. If everyone was condoning the insanity? I would have commented. Wait, the first time the blog ate my comment. It was before others had joined in. The second time my husband talked me out of it.
      And the other post? The blogger is not well. Seriously not worth it. I like to come by my trolls naturally.

  4. It was definitely my post, wasn’t it?

    I mean, I can only assume some childrearing anger came from my description of a sweet moment at the USO on Christmas. It only makes sense.

    But don’t worry, I’m not upset about it.

    ‘Cause I don’t really exist.

    (True story.)

  5. I sometimes feel as if all the wackadoodles congregate on the internets and this makes me fearful because holy snakes! people can be CRAZY. Then I wonder if possibly there are even MORE people who are wackadoodles in real life, just wandering the streets and whatnot. This makes me even more fearful and wanting to stay inside.

    All this to say, sometimes the human population makes me want to weep, both with fear and with happiness.

  6. Sometimes I can’t help but become a little nauseated by what some “writers” think constitutes intelligent, witty, or reasoned writing.

    Just remember, if you’re of average intellect, about half the people you deal with are dumber than you. The number increases directly proportional to your level of intelligence. I think about this quite a lot. It’s effing scary.

  7. Sometimes I wish people were more truthful in blogland… And not by “anonymous” ranting, but up front. Even if your blog identity is not your real name… Sometimes I find to lovey dovey. If you write about your love for rainbows then all your commenters will agree with you, then on another blog if its all like “mofo stupid rainbows” then suddenly comments are like “yeah rainbows are so overrated”… Be honest. Say it like it is. But be clean about it. Honesty is not rude if its tactful. Know what I mean? Don’t feel bad for hating something, don’t feel bad for disagreeing. And give peace a chance. (sorry I was going on and on and didn’t know to end my rant)

  8. Holy crow I want to know what this was! Hahah! But maybe I don’t! Maybe I would agree, but I’m guessing not since you are so fired up! Did they like leave the kids at home and go out hoping the monitor would stretch? We joke about that but have not done it…though we would like nice neighbors to move in across the street in hopes it would stretch to their house. But then there’s fires to consider and that can’t really be picked up on a monitor. I digress, you did a good job on how you handled it. And I totally would LOVE to pause time/life, shake out stupid, and then rejoin time. They would probably only feel a little dizzy but I would feel a TON better.

  9. 1. Wow. If I knew my scone recipe was going to elicite this sort of response, I would have prefaced it with the fact that you CAN use half and half instead of heavy cream.

    2. Just like in real life, I’m so oblivious to the underlying currents of social connections. I don’t know who is friends with whom and I have no idea who reads what and agrees or disagrees. I have probably put my foot in my mouth a dozen or million times. Mostly because I assume that when someone writes something like, “do you think it’s okay that I signed my daughter up for a beauty pagent even though she’s only three” that they want my honest answer, not, “OMG! Go for it!!”

    For the record, I don’t view dissenting opinions as mean or bad. If you honestly think I should have used half and half, by all means, tell me. I welcome an open debate. Just don’t say that I’m a fat cow or some such thing. Not that you would, but I’m just saying…if you ever disagree with something I write and respond in the intelligent way I know you would rather than the personal attacks that seem so prevalent on the internet, don’t think I’ll turn 13 and delete you.

  10. I TOTALLY know it was my post. Stop acting like you don’t obsess over me.

    Also, been there, got the t shirt, wore it so many times it wore out, and THEN got another one.

    In fact, a big name blogger is mad at me right now over an email I sent to a friend (that she recommended to me). Said email details while they were crappy at their job and I stand behind it. But I won’t bring it out on FaceBook or twitter, even I do not need that kind of shit storm.

  11. Oh, it’s hard enough in real life to know who goes with who. I try to stay out of it. Whatever it is. I have enough drama in my head. Then again, if it feels dangerous, I tell someone. Just pushes my buttons? I walk away. Mostly.

    I think I exist, but who really knows?

  12. It would be hard not to be curious, but then that means I subscribe to something that I would prefer not, and frankly it would assume that my opinion matters. And I guess that’s what I’ve learned through this blogging craziness, the online friendships and everything else, that real life is real and sometimes this place isn’t. It’s hard to separate, and sort it all out. It messes with my head. So I get it…

  13. I find the ‘tribe’ thing awkward, but to be honest, I don’t pay much attn to it. It helps that I haven’t really been active in the blogosphere since August (which conveniently coincides with BlogHer, but that isn’t really the real reason I’ve removed myself).
    It’s awkward and can filled with ego, fierce loyalties, judgment, ridicule & rejection. My loyalties extend to very few (most of whom I’ve met and hung out with), but that doesn’t mean I never disagree with them or that I would ever begrudge someone else for being offended by their posts.
    As with most things, it’s a matter of perspective. People need to get some and keep some. I think you made the right decision, even if I am still a little curious. 😉

  14. Seriously…for reals, totally thinking it was me.

    BTW, they didn’t care that a doctor said I could go back…or wait, maybe you didn’t really want to say that but said it because you thought I wanted to hear it? Maybe, hell, I’m so confused now.

    And, they said it was because of stupid HIPPA laws. Stupid.

    And, now I need your confirmation that it wasn’t me…and if it was, you must tell me about my stupidness.

    1. It 100% was not you.

      And HIPAA violation? If patient information is out and about then other patients waking up from anesthesia would see it making it a HIPAA violation without you even being there, right? MAKES NO SENSE to me. Seriously. Email me what they meant. Or my husband (the active pediatrician) even offered for you to call him to ask. Because I totally mean for you to use whatever would get you to your baby girl. Ridiculous!

      1. Well, we are home and done with the surgery now…otherwise, totally would have taken you up on the call.

        They seriously said it was HIPPA because it’s an open room, so I would see other people in there. Really, like I give a rats ass what other little kids are in there recovering from. I get it if it’s adults, but kids…two year old kids. Come on! How can you have a HIPPA violation on a child with their parent? I don’t think they know where the line is. Basically, the doctors and medical offices decide what information is protected and what isn’t, right?

        I think the HIPPA laws are a joke, and people over-react to them because they don’t know what the laws actual mean and interpret them to 1000% percent because they are scared of a lawsuit.

        In fact, I was told because of HIPPA a mother was denied a LIFE-FLIGHT ride with her son, and then not given info at the hospital because of HIPPA…and he was 16.

        All I can say is bullshit! (Yep, cussing on your blog….bad, right). Tired of people not in medicine (legislative people) making decisions that they have no idea what the ramifications are!

        *end rant*

        1. Actually a completely separate entity defines HIPAA. It’s just that doctors and hospitals and patients and everyone doesn’t quite get it. And sometimes I think that it’s misused. Although the purpose of it is noble: protecting our rights to privacy and safety as patients. It’s just that the people who abuse it cause problems. And seeing other children is not a HIPAA violation.
          I hope that the surgery was a success!

          1. HIPAA can be a pain in the butt when one covered entity is staffed by morons who do not know when the Privacy Rules apply.

            “We can’t give that to you.”

            “WTF? I’m a covered entity…do you want the patient’s bill paid or not?”

            “Well, uhm, yes, we do want the bill paid, but HIPAA says we can’t give you any information.”

            “Oh, for crying out loud…if I want this Soldier’s medical information, all I have to do is walk into the records vault and get it. I just want to know if you can fax me a copy of the bill so we can PAY it. Entities involved in bill paying operations are COVERED ENTITIES. Do you even know what that means?”

            “Uhm…I’d better get my manager.”

            (Manager)”Yeah, I’m sorry ma’am, but we can’t give you any patient information.”

            “I DON’T WANT ANY PATIENT INFO! I want to PAY THE BILL! Aaaargjkdiasoekgffff!!! What the hell is wrong with you people!!! If you send this to collection, you’ll be getting a call from this Soldier’s congressman.”

            “Oooooh…uhm, let me fax that to you.”

            “Good, let me get YOUR fax number just in case I need to send anything back to you” (and so I can send you a copy of the DAMNED HIPAA LAW you obviously have never read!!!)



  15. Hey, you’re entitled to your opinion. Networking with other bloggers shouldn’t mean kissing everbody’s ass. If people can’t take being disagreed with, then blogging/writing publicly is probably not the best use of their time.

  16. So, I was totally wondering if it was my post, when you said wrote “stop freaking out…” Then I remembered I don’t blog. Hey, it’s 1 am. I am long past pumpkin state. I am like the pumpkin that was a carriage, then a pumpkin, then roadkill. Long awesome story about how 5 and 6 years olds should NEVER do sleepovers. It also has a part in it where this is the third attempt at this and I still think “this time it will be different.” sigh. hugs

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