This Gratitude Stuff Has Got To Be Stopped

Throughout November, people on Facebook have been posting what they are grateful for EVERY DAY as a lead up to Thanksgiving.  Which really got me thinking…  about listing MY last twenty-four* status updates:

  1. When I’m talking to myself, I’d appreciate it if strangers would at least pretend that I’m talking to them. Thank you. (Tue, 23 Nov 2010)
  2. I have been married for seven years today. I can’t express how much Scott’s mere existence makes me believe that God loves all of us.  I am still awed that He would give me such an amazing person to be with for the rest of my life. Thank you, Scott, for filling my life with joy and strength and hope. (Mon, 22 Nov 2010)
  3. I’m awake and listening to The Poetry of Science: Richard Dawkins and Neil deGrasse Tyson.  So I’ll be smart and tired tomorrow. (Sun, 21 Nov 2010)
  4. Overheard: My daughter, “Dada.” My MIL, “That’s not Dada, that’s a monkey.” (Wed, 17 Nov 2010)
  5. We’re decorating for Christmas. Judge me all you want but Thanksgiving doesn’t have gifts. Or tinsel. (Sun, 14 Nov 2010)
  6. Note: Sending someone an email and ending it with “if you don’t agree, please just don’t respond” was probably not the brightest idea. 
Who wants to obsessively check my email for me? (Thu, 11 Nov 2010)
  7. Back from (an early) seven year anniversary celebration with the hubs. And planning to NOT wait another two years to go away without kids. {sigh} It was awesome. (Sun, 07 Nov 2010)
  8. Who wants to cook us dinner? …Bueller? …Bueller? (Fri, 05 Nov 2010)
  9. When did saying, “No thank you.” become “Sure, I’ll do it [email protected]##!”? (Fri, 05 Nov 2010)
  10. My dog totally farted in my face. He is not allowed to hang out with my husband anymore. (Tue, 02 Nov 2010)
  11. Thus we begin the process of unteaching my son that ringing strangers’ doorbells will not get him candy anymore. (Mon, 01 Nov 2010)
  12. We are becoming concerned that one of our costumes looks like an adult in a diaper. (Sun, 31 Oct 2010)
  13. Just saw a license plate that said: Get Over It (in license speak). Um, that feels personal. (Fri, 29 Oct 2010)
  14. I hate when make stupid mistakes. Like not putting shorts over N’s diaper before putting her down for a much needed nap. Guess who peed herself awake 45 minutes later? No, it wasn’t me you jerks. (Thu, 28 Oct 2010)
  15. I slept 12 hours last night and I still feel sick. Doesn’t my body know I don’t have time to be ill? (Sun, 24 Oct 2010)
  16. N and I are sick. Except her virus decided to show off a little more in her with croup. Stupid ruining my weekend virus. (Sat, 23 Oct 2010)
  17. After being awkward, it’s time to sleep. Oh wait. Then I’d have to sleep five times a day. (Sat, 23 Oct 2010)
  18. The dog slept in the queen-sized all by himself last night. I wonder if he’s paying my kids not to sleep. (Sun, 17 Oct 2010)
  19. A fire in the fireplace makes even the mornings good.  A fire anywhere else kinda sucks. (Thu, 14 Oct 2010)
  20. The guy, who stamps ‘open here’ on things, must think, “This’ll be hilarious!” all the time. (Thu, 07 Oct 2010)
  21. Don’t tell Scott but I almost spilled root beer on his iPhone. (Wed, 06 Oct 2010)
  22. I’ve decided that feeling are overrated. (Tue, 28 Sep 2010)
  23. My husband’s running his 1st distance race today. 8-mile train run. In toe shoes. Go Scott! I hope ugly shoes make you faster! (Sat, 25 Sep 2010)
  24. My son was in the bathroom for 20 minutes. I opened the door to 2 poops, his pants still around his ankles and bubbles everywhere. (Thu, 23 Sep 2010)

I’m grateful that I haven’t lost more friends on Facebook. And that my blog has a fan page to put up all the statuses that would’ve MADE IT WORSE.

Have a great and hilarious Thanksgiving, Americans!
turkey running gobble Pictures, Images and Photos
And Happy Not-Stuffing-Your-Face Day, everyone else!

*I removed a few statuses before posting. Mostly to make you think I’m funny.  But also because they had outdated links in them.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

14 thoughts to “This Gratitude Stuff Has Got To Be Stopped”

  1. thanks for being funny and mostly for having your babies before me and blogging about it so i can learn from your experiences and also feel normal (or at least not alone in my extraordinariness) happy thanksgiving!

  2. I’m thankful to have you as a Facebook friend. Your posts are always so funny! Please don’t unfriend me, I’d be sad then. People don’t like me when I’m sad… ツ

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