Scott walks into the room: The dog is going to die tonight.
Me: Whaaaat??? What are you talking about?
Scott: He ate chocolate.
Scott: Just now. It was that bag of Halloween candy.
Me: Oh no! I just left it on the counter a few minutes ago!
(PS. Our dog is TALL)
Scott: It’s too late.
Me: What does chocolate do to dogs?
Scott: I think it’s an allergic reaction.*
Me: So what do we do?
Scott: I don’t know.
Me: Should we Google it?
Scott: I’ll call my brother.
(Our resident dog expert. Mostly because he has a dog that he carries around like a baby. They BLAH BLAH BLAH and hang up.)
Me: OH MY GAWD, SCOTT! WHAT DID HE SAY?
Scott: His friend was told by his vet to keep the dog hydrated or we can get the dog’s stomach pumped. He thinks our beast of dog will be okay though.
Me: Wait a second, how much did he eat?
One fun-size bar in a sixty pound dog?
Um, he’s going to live, Scott.
But you owe me the last thirty minutes of my life.
*FYI: It’s not an allergic reaction. Read here to get the scoop. Who knew PetMD existed? Also, Ratchet is perfectly alive so don’t freak out. Or call us with vet questions. As an MD, I’m likely to respond: The big tranquilizers are really good for raves. And hang up. And Scott will just tell you to start preparing the hole in your backyard.