Cyberterrorists And My Monday

I’m sitting at the pornography library on their main computers since I can’t access Twitter any other way, and in stroll four boys, who couldn’t be older than twenty, dressed in white button-downs and slacks.

They nod and split up.

They each sit down at computers NOT next to each other. A few minutes later, two of them get up and sit down at two NEW computers.

At this point, I’m pretty sure in thirty seconds my computer will go black and random messages like HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW and pictures of Megan Fox will pop up as their uploaded virus eats all my passwords to the fifteen social media applications I currently have open.

And through us unsuspecting library folks, their messages of celebrities, and also that cute girl in their biology class, dating them will spread via Facebook and Twitter and will be so well SEO-ed that when you google HOT GUY and these four dudes in my library show up. First.

I quickly shut down my computer so as not to lose everything to the greatest cyberheist of 2010.

I eye everyone else’s computers and wait.

And wait.

And write this post on my NOT INTERNET-ED laptop.

And wait.

I get up to use the bathroom and JUST HAPPEN to walk by one of the suspects. This particular cyberterrorist SEEMS to be writing emails.

I think: He’s clearly the ring leader. Or the guy who has no idea what’s REALLY going on and will soon be killed. Or thrown in jail crying BUT I WAS JUST TRYING TO EMAIL MY GIRLFRIEND. THEY TOLD ME IT WAS A PICTURE WHERE I LOOKED LIKE A JONAS BROTHER.

I come back from the bathroom ready for mayhem.

And then they get up.

And leave.

And not a single thing happened.

This is why Mondays sucks.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

29 thoughts to “Cyberterrorists And My Monday”

      1. We don’t use colors anymore Sweetie. We’re supposed to rat each other out. Think Germany, say……1940. Kids get better grades if they rat their parents out. Or maybe just extra credit.

        1. No – we do! People think we got rid of them but instead we just stop publicizing them.

          Trust me – I walk by a gigantic sign informing me of that day’s color every morning.

          And yes, it makes me smile.

          And yes, that makes me weird.

  1. You were looking for a place to be awkward and wifi? Why don’t I give you the password to my wifi at home and you can get a lawn chair and hang out in the yard while I am at work? I think that would qualify as awkward AND you can tweet and surf all you want!

    PS – the neighbors across the street are renovating so there is even a portapotty for you to use!!!

    And those guys would have freaked me out too.

  2. I’m more concerned about you referring to 20 something MEN as boys. You can’t really do that until E is twenty something. If you continue this behavior we’ll have to revoke your Hot Soccer Mom status. You’ve been warned….

    1. For the record I said that they could be MORE than 20. Making their likelihood of being boys (ie, under 18) just as likely as men if not more so. I went with one after a good ten minute debate. Seriously. So I’m pretty impressed you commented on it.

      1. Hmmmmm…..close, but we’ll let you slide. So why again were you at the porn library? We have assumed you were there to use the computer or maybe even read a book, but now man/boy watching could be on the list as well. You go girl.

        PS: Did I use the comma correctly in the third sentence or should I have started a new sentence?


  3. No, no they were clearly up to something.

    They were just way sly.

    Have you checked the news yet today? Is Europe still there? Did the Asian markets crash? Did the teleprompters on the View and Today with Kathie Lee and Hoda go down at the same time?

    Sometimes mayhem is sneaky.

  4. I have seen this behavior!
    I also thought it was strange. So, being the librarian, I asked.
    The teens were using all the library computers to vote in some online contest. But that doesn’t sound nearly as exciting…

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