I’m sitting at the pornography library on their main computers since I can’t access Twitter any other way, and in stroll four boys, who couldn’t be older than twenty, dressed in white button-downs and slacks.
They nod and split up.
They each sit down at computers NOT next to each other. A few minutes later, two of them get up and sit down at two NEW computers.
At this point, I’m pretty sure in thirty seconds my computer will go black and random messages like HOW YOU LIKE ME NOW and pictures of Megan Fox will pop up as their uploaded virus eats all my passwords to the fifteen social media applications I currently have open.
And through us unsuspecting library folks, their messages of celebrities, and also that cute girl in their biology class, dating them will spread via Facebook and Twitter and will be so well SEO-ed that when you google HOT GUY and these four dudes in my library show up. First.
I quickly shut down my computer so as not to lose everything to the greatest cyberheist of 2010.
I eye everyone else’s computers and wait.
And write this post on my NOT INTERNET-ED laptop.
I get up to use the bathroom and JUST HAPPEN to walk by one of the suspects. This particular cyberterrorist SEEMS to be writing emails.
I think: He’s clearly the ring leader. Or the guy who has no idea what’s REALLY going on and will soon be killed. Or thrown in jail crying BUT I WAS JUST TRYING TO EMAIL MY GIRLFRIEND. THEY TOLD ME IT WAS A PICTURE WHERE I LOOKED LIKE A JONAS BROTHER.
I come back from the bathroom ready for mayhem.
And then they get up.
And not a single thing happened.
This is why Mondays sucks.