How My Son Reminds Me That We Are All Heroes And Villains

Yesterday, while playing football, also known as my son alternatively throws the football in the air and bosses me around, E states very matter of fact: I’m a GOOD GUY.

This good guy gig isn’t easy. Probably because some frienemy of my parent’s gave me a football of the nemesis of the GREATEST TEAM IN NFL (NEW YORK GIANTS, duh).

As it turns out in my son’s world, good guys run from bad guys, often have trouble not giggling when the bad guy gets close and can suddenly announce: YOU CAN’T CROSS THAT LINE.

Then the good guys taunt the bad guys: YOU CAN’T GET ME! HAHAHAHAHA!

But after an especially well-executed good-guy tackle and grab, my son RUNS INTO THE BUSHES. I follow when I hear: WHREAREREWSSDFE (I think that’s how it’s spelled).

As I enter, he bursts forth yelling at the top of his lungs: NOW, I’M A BAD GUY!

And I thought he was just peeing.

As it turns out, in E’s world bad guys have an uncanny ability to slow good guys down by announcing: YOU’RE RUNNING TOO FAST. They love a good belly laughing and can push your throw button, which is a secret button on your torso causing you to release the football into the air IMMEDIATELY.

Oh, and after 45 minutes, the good guys and bad guys go inside and eat cupcakes.

Because by now it’s hard to remember who is who anyway.

The moral of the story: Good guys have bad qualities and bad guys have good qualities and either one can emerge from the bushes at any time to push your buttons and offer you cupcakes.

The End

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

14 thoughts to “How My Son Reminds Me That We Are All Heroes And Villains”

  1. Wow. I was always confused by The Hulk growing up. Is he good or bad? He helps people, but often destroys things in his wake…”Just don’t make him angry!” Sounds like E has a much better grasp on reality.

  2. Well, who doesn’t enjoy a good belly laugh? I secretly think THAT’S what differentiates us from the animals, not the whole opposable thumbs thing.

  3. WTG MOM!! Out there doing “guy” stuff with E. Although his jacket might be abuse (or prom blackmail fodder later). Get thee to solid colors. You like the Giants cuz Eli’s a hottie, huh?

    1. I’ve liked the Giants since before Lawrence Taylor was a Giant. (Okay I was three but it’s close.) I wouldn’t care if our quarterback looked like a monkey’s behind as long as he helps us win.

      Also, I’m looking for that jacket in your size RIGHT NOW. You are going to look AWESOME.

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