Motherhood has changed me. And not in all those mushy ways. In bizarre unthinkable muffin-top ways.
LIKE I NOW SUFFER FROM VERTIGO.
I have never been afraid of heights. EVER. I can look over ledges. Heck, I could STAND on ledges and jump into lakes.
I go on roller coasters. I’ve been rock climbing without rope. (Shut up. I was in high school. Stupid is acceptable.)
But whenever my children walk to the edge of a bridge to look over? I get weak in the knees and feel like I’m going to pass out. The world tilts and I see blonde women. (Hitchcock reference)
I’ve even tested it. Scott stood with the children away from the bridge. I went close. For me? No vertigo. Scott tossed the kids over the edge and right before they hit the water? TOTAL VERTIGO.
(Actually, we just let them look over the edge again. Which also caused vertigo in me. And way less drama and wet clothing for us.)
I didn’t even understand what the feeling was at first. It’s been happening since E was little. But because I had NEVER EXPERIENCED IT BEFORE, I ignored it. (Also? Denial and me are friends that go WAY BACK.)
But between Alfred Hitchcock and medical school, it dawned on me. Vertigo.
Or more accurately: Vertigo-by-proxy
I’m pretty sure this is where I’m supposed to draw some grand conclusion about motherhood and hormones and the underlying cause of vertigo and make millions of dollars.
But my daughter’s near the window so I’m just going to pass out instead.