If I’m Not Related To Christopher Columbus, I Should Be

Happy Columbus Day!

I am a lot like our adventurous friend!

We are both Italian. Well, I have an Italian grandfather. Who I used to tell my friends was in the mafia. Because otherwise he was just some old guy with an accent.

Anyway, Chris and I both like to travel. We don’t like other people telling us what to do. But we do like other people giving us money.

Neither of us are visual learners. Columbus thought the Earth was much smaller than it is. I bought a rug that’s much too big for our living room.

He’s definitely a better sailor. But I’m the better dancer.

And I, like Chris, have been known to discover things that have already been discovered.

Like when I discovered the song “Whoomp! There It Is” is NOT “Poof! There It Is.”

(click here if you can’t see the music video)

Or it’s “Secret Agent Man” and not some sort of pressure to assimilate on a poor Japanese man entitled “Secret Asian Man.”

(click here if you can’t see the music video)

I discovered that with enough headbands and a bad sense of smell you can go five days without showering.

I have four hundred of these.

I discovered that if you leave crap on the side of the road someone will eventually pick it up. Who that someone is and why they are willing to take an old mattress and a broken porch swing? I have not discovered that yet.

There are still mysteries to be solved my adventurous friends! Like what is that metal box in the back?

I can’t wait until Marco Polo Day! We are both excellent swimmers.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

16 thoughts on “If I’m Not Related To Christopher Columbus, I Should Be

  1. Oh you are funny! whenever you are doubting your comedy factor, please go back and read this post. Hahahahahah. I have to say that the only downside to getting this emailed was that I had no clue you attached VIDEO of the songs! Spectacular! Now I will totally waste time instead of doing “school” with Riley. Oh the sacrifices to a good education. Bwahahahahaha. “Alex – Very FUNNY” (to be read and like a TBS commercial.)

  2. Let us hope that, unlike Chris, you don’t bring home a brand new disease to terrorize Europe. Or for that matter, drop one off to terrorize those you have just “discovered.”

    International travel is fraught with difficulties, huh?

  3. I have always preferred Ponce de Leon day myself.

    Fountain of Youth is a place I need to find before these gray hairs take over. Like before they “Ponce” on me.

    Oh, that’s no good. Bad comment. I want a do-over.

  4. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you’re probably much, much smarter than Chris was. If there was EVER a man in need of a GPS…well.

  5. i love this ‘write a quick comment’ thing it feels really tricky and like i need to write a comment and i want to steal it for my own blog and pretend i invented it. i do that with the showering, except i use dry shampoo and brighten my lipstick, to distract. we also put a lot of stuff by the side of the road, in front of my in-law’s house. it is how we get rid of all of our furniture. no matter what it is it is always gone within the hour.

    1. someone else mentioned the “write a quick comment’ thing. I’m still not quite sure why it’s there. it’s either a feedburner setting i luckily clicked or something to do with sexy bookmarks the plugin I use. i will try and pay more attention.

      PS. Where do your inlaws live? Because our stuff took like two weeks to go.

  6. I have discovered I have a misshapen head and, as such, headbands are constantly shooting off my head (much like an elastic-band on a finger, elementary school style).

    You may have my share of the world’s headbands. I shall live vicariously through you.

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