My Cat Ran Away And She Didn’t Even Leave Me A Note

As we all remember, I have three cats. Quick review since even my friends forget my cats’ names:

Loki (norse god of mischief and fire) looks like he ate the fourth cat but probably just laid down and tried to get the other cat to rub his belly.

Juno (goddess of women and jealousy) is the wily hunter who has no front claws which means she just gets to screw with her prey for longer.

And Calliope (muse of epic poetry) is the missing one.

They all have long and inspiring stories of how we saved them.

Nutshell: Nobody wanted them. In fact, Loki and Calliope of them had to be kept separate from the other kittens. Pretty much like I would be in the animal shelter. Biting the hand that feeds me. (Or in Loki’s case, the toes.) And Juno was returned by her I-dont-love-her owner. We had to introduce her to the concept of BEING PET. (not being A pet. but being TOUCHED.)

Now most people adore Juno and Loki.

Maybe SAVED THEM isn't the most appropriate term.

And most people have never SEEN Calliope.

Calliope’s anxiety is like a pregnant lady recalling her hemorrhoid right after finishing a pizza fra diavolo.

This high-strung-ness eventually led to her to pee on everything (the cat not the made-up pregnant lady). And there was nothing we or the vet or YOU could do. So after three years of trying to convince her bladder to stop FREAKING OUT and throwing out EVERY SINGLE RUG WE OWNED, we built a cat shelter outside and she lived in our backyard.

She did great. Much love and food and some mild adventure running away from the ever-unpredictable FALLING LEAF. She even ventured into the FRONT YARD! Once!

And then we got THE DOG. And even though she still COULD go into her cat house and be completely separate from the dog by AT LEAST TEN FEET, the fact that a dog would appear AT ALL was too much.

Ratchet appearing within ten feet of her home. Can you feel the freak out?

So she left our backyard in favor of our neighbor’s garage’s attic. She came back once a day at 11 p.m. and luckily blogging keeps me from sleeping so I could feed her. Thus, MY BLOG SAVED HER LIFE.

I fretted though. She wasn’t eating enough. She wasn’t getting enough attention.

So we built her a cat house INSIDE and brought her in. (It took three days to catch her.)

And she lived inside. And she did great. She even began making friends with the dog.

But we have a cat harness and leash. Making us awesome. And stupid.

And out we brought Calliope. FOR FRESH AIR. Again, BECAUSE WE’RE STUPID.

And I needed to go in for a moment. And Scott and the kids were already inside. I attached the leash to the porch railing.

And when I came back out, I only had leash and harness. And two cats.

WTH! HOUDINI!

We waited. And waited. And waited. And called and called and called.

We finally caught a glimpse of her in our neighbor’s garage’s attic many days later. But she was too far back to catch and not have one of us die. And if one of us dying while capturing her is getting to the question in eighth grade debate class: If a sinking boat had a dog and a child in it, who would you save? Except she’s not even sinking. (I hope.)

So we waited and waited and waited. And called and called and called.

And we rechecked the garage attic today, and she wasn’t there.

{sigh}

So if you see a calico tail flash. Or perhaps a hoarse, somewhat neurotic, meow. LET ME KNOW. But don’t try to catch her. She’s much faster and more dangerous than she looks.

Unless you have a very nice house that you are bequeathing to me. They always forget that point in the boat debate.

Update: I spied Calliope running away from my husband tonight! SHE’S ALIVE. AND LIKE A CHEETAH! (Someone please bring her home.)

We only have three pictures of the elusive Calliope. But she pretty much looks the same. FYI: cats age well.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

20 thoughts to “My Cat Ran Away And She Didn’t Even Leave Me A Note”

  1. In a kind of irony I guess, we have a cat named Loki, and my boyfriend’s sister has one named Calliope … and being a crazy cat lady in training (between my boyfriend and I we have 7 … psycho I know) … but they have their own stories … I completely sympathize with a missing kitty story and I hope that she comes home soon …

  2. Have you tried… and this is just a suggestion… offering to break up with the dog if she’ll take you back? I mean, it would only be a dramatic cry for attention, you wouldn’t have to actually break up with the dog once she came back, but you could say it in a very Scarlet O kind of way and maybe threaten a little self-harm until you’ve trapped her back into your arms. I’m just throwin’ it out there, feel free to throw it right back.

  3. Most hilarious blog post ever! Also I talked to you yesterday with no mention of a missing Caliope!! WTH!
    BTW, this would have been a perfect post to use the Caliope Christmas pic with the other cats.

  4. I hope you catch her. We have 3 regular cats and one high strung princess. Ever since we brought a puppy home in July, she has refused to come inside on her own and shoots us death glares whenever we approach.

  5. Maybe she’s found a poet who needed inspiration? She’s off cuddling with them and shying away every time they move their pen?

    Hope she’s home soon. And does not teach her cheetah tricks to the other cats. But if she could teach me some anti-aging tricks I’d be much obliged.

  6. Ahhhh pets, it’s a constant juggling act. I got a gift from a friend, it was “The Cat Lady” action figure and on the back of the box it gives you 20 reasons you may be a cat lady. I remember one of them well: you feed them all different food and structure your house around their needs. Check. So, as one cat lady to another, I hope you catch Calliope. She’s lucky to have such awesome cat parents.

  7. This sounds like something I could have written. However, I am not sure that the Campbells would have gone to quite the lengths you have for Calliope. Euthanasia comes to mind (and I am a real cat lover, but I love my house more). I hope she comes back. Have you tried the pheromone sprays? Prozac? These things work for some people.
    You are too hilarious for words. Well, actually, it’s the WORDS that make you hilarious. xo molly

        1. Dr. Elsey’s cat litter and cat litter attractant … I have a cat that had a litter … the kittens were very hard to train .. that litter helped a lot … they were all using the litter box within a few days .. and the older female that hated the presence of the kittens and started peeing everywhere also started using the litter box with the attractant, but I wouldn’t guarantee it would work for all …

  8. Ahhh…we love our kitties. Monday night I had to lure one of mine out of her cat house (on the front porch) because I discovered a skunk inside (with the cat) and I wanted to make sure she was ok.
    Then I ran.

  9. “Calliope’s anxiety is like a pregnant lady recalling her hemorrhoid right after finishing a pizza fra diavolo.”

    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA *gasp* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH *deep breath* HAHAHAHHAHAHA *wiping tears* The mental image is perfect!

    I hope Calliope comes home soon.

  10. Oh, the peeing in the house. I can so relate with our rescued Yorkie. I WISH we could build him an outside shelter, but if he has to go for more than an hour without access to a cuddle, I think he may just shrivel up and die.

    I hope that you’re able to rescue your love one again, so that you know she’s safe. The things we do to save an animal…

    And THANK YOU for the hemmoroid memories. MMuch appreciated.

  11. I’ve got 3 rescue kitties, one of whom insists on peeing on the bed when I have not satisfied him on some emotional level that I am not privy to until he goes off like a fire hose. I’m sorry to hear you’ve had to go through losing a cat. My guess is she’s a lively little spirit who is quietly (or not so quietly) amused at getting her way.

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