Kat left this comment on yesterday’s post:
Yes yes yes to all of it: the good intentions, the second child backslide, the obvious reaction when you model the behavior you don’t want them to repeat. But how do you get back to the good intentions when you barely have time or energy to think? I don’t know where to find the reserves.
And yes yes yes right back. Because although I am reminded WHY I need to keep my parenting ideals, HOW is the FINAL QUESTION ON JEOPARDY! (Oh wait, it’s the answer. To the question/answer. The final answer. So HOW is the answer/question. And this whole post would be in the tiny screen being read by Alex Trebek.)
So I get it. YAY! I remember why I want to be a good mom! But my children were up three times last night NOT including the two times N was awake before I even went to bed.
So how on no sleep (or stressed or hormonal or sick or whatever) do I keep being this mom I want to be?
Well, crap, I don’t know! But these are ten things that have worked for me or other moms or I just made up:
- Mime Parenting: Restrain of pen and tongue. In other words (or NOT WORDS), I keep my mouth shut. I can’t snap or curse or yell without words. Try. See? IMPOSSIBLE!
- Welcome to 1992: I turn off my cell phone and sign off of Twitter for hours. I don’t have the mind-control to form hilarious sentences AND get my children a cup of milk. Also, I tend to pick fights, get my feelings hurt, and freak out while tired, parenting and social media-ing. So I peace-out in order to have children, friends, and a husband when I sign back on. Oh and it’s hard to talk on the phone while miming (see #1 for clarification).
- Get Kicked Out: I leave the house once a day. If only for the helpful pressure to be a good mom in front of all those judgmental moms at the playground. And if I know in advance the day is going to suck (I stayed up too late, my husband is working late, we are introducing three old cats to one hyper dog) I’ll even pack our bag the night before. Because there’s nothing like getting out the door with sippy cups, diapers, changes of clothing, wallet, keys, cell phone, and not crying: WHY ARE THE STUPID KEYS IN THE KEY BOWL WHERE THEY’RE SUPPOSED TO BE?
- Hallucinate: I picture the cutest or funniest thing my children have done in the last two weeks. Maybe store that in your iPhone. Oh wait, you’ll have to turn it on. Maybe tattoo it on your arm.
- Run For Office: If you have a partner, GET ON THE SAME PAGE. Seriously, Scott and I had a State of Our Marriage on Friday. And that definitely included my recent parenting antics. We each wrote down what was working, what wasn’t working, and what we, as individuals, could be doing better. (That last part is important. I can point a finger at my partner because I’m also acknowledging the FOUR fingers pointing back at me. Okay, the thumb is kinda pointing to my right. Or now I have six fingers.)
- They’re Playing Our Song: Music. NPR. ANYTHING to distract my mind from the incessant string of words and needs. And if I’m lucky, the music will distract my littles, too. My kids are HUGE fans of the Music Together series. The songs have stopped my children mid-cry, which elevates them to gods. Or drug dealers.
- Go Coma: Sit and stare into space. Possibly cry. But try to wait until nap/quiet time because it may freak out the children. Sometimes instead of doing EVERYTHING while the kids are sleeping, I do NOTHING. Because I need rest, too. (If you have non-nap-pers, institute quiet time IMMEDIATELY. Everyone needs a coffee break. Email me if you need details on how we began THE HOUR OF BLESSED QUIET.)
- Find Your Stuart Smalley: I have positive mantras hidden throughout my life. I can’t tell you how to do it because then you will be able to break into my computer. Okay, I will. You come up with a sentence like: Late Enough Makes Me Feel Good Enough. And your password for your email is now the first let of each word: LEMMFGE. No hacker can figure it out. AND you tell yourself that sentence EVERYDAY. Or FIFTEEN TIMES A DAY, like me, because I’m constantly turns on and off my computer. You can also leave little notes. Or get cake.
- Vote Yourself Off The Island: Get at least one imperfect mom friend. I have some awesome IRL mama friends (READ: three) and YOU GUYS! Oh and get some non-mama friends. Who just nod and smile and take like five birth control pills every time you get together for coffee. Because STRAIGHT-UP SYMPATHY people. I need that, too. (If you don’t have mama-friends, email or DM me. Because I had none for my first few years of parenting and the loneliness nearly crushed me.)
- Find The Light Switch: If you are in that deep, dark morass of depression, anxiety or anything more serious than hating your children, call your doctor. Or if you are just needing more help than music and zombie pictures. My son goes to the feelings doctor twice a month and I go once a month. (Actually, I go for the first time this week to help me deal with E better. We are seeing the same person. Play therapy is unconventional but I’m AWESOME at drawing my sad face.)
E's zombie face. One of many.
N giving the paparazzi the time of day. Barely.
My husband brought me the you-are-a-good-mom cake on Thursday. Yum.
There rest of the great ideas that I didn’t already pilfer are in the comments from yesterday’s post. Scroll away. And, of course, in the comment’s section below. RIGHT? Even mimes can type. WAIT! Where are you going? DON’T TURN OFF YOUR COMPUTER YET. I WAS JUST JOKING ABOUT THAT SUGGESTION. Oh, okay, bye. Have fun not hating your children.
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