I’m The King Of World! Hungry And Without Television. But Still King-ish.

I was surprised to find that it was time to write about week three of the Hardcore Television Challenge because I just hadn’t yearned for TV. (yearn makes me giggle.)

It’s like television is slipping away.

Okay now I feel like television and I are in the icy waters after the Titanic goes down.

Television: You creating that challenge, Alex, was the best thing that ever happened to me… it let me rest. And I’m thankful for that, Alex. I’m thankful. You must do me this honor, Alex. Promise me you’ll survive. That you won’t give up, no matter what happens, no matter how hopeless. Promise me now, Alex, and never let go of that promise.
Alex: I promise.
Television: Never let go.
Alex: I’ll never let go. I’ll never let go, Television.

And I didn’t. Even when I had to pry your icy dead hands from my raft last week.

I survived. Sorta.

We are only missing dinner.

Because I’ve pretty much given up on it.

I mean, we eat, but out of the last seven days? We’ve eaten one meal I’ve cooked. On Tuesday night. And it was pasta and sauce from a jar.

And yes, I’ve tried including the kids in cooking (well E. because a fifteen month old isn’t exactly INCLUDABLE around fire and knives).

And while we have adorable pictures.

Making salad and looking cute. Check and check.

And E discovering he loves celery.

I swear he's enjoying the celery. Just don't look at his face.

We have to start at 4 p.m. to have dinner ready by 5:30.

And I’d rather play chase in ninety degree weather (not EXACTLY but close) than spend an hour and a half making a meal.

I just can’t cook and have my children all up in my business. Or I can’t cook and not snap. Or I can’t be disciplined enough to do all my cooking during N’s nap.

Or I hate cooking.

(I don’t HATE it. I just only like it when I can concentrate on it. Because I’m not naturally good at cooking. And it makes a MESS. A mess that I don’t have the inclination to clean. But old crusty food makes me vomit.)

And dividing thirty minutes of television among seven days gives me less than five minutes a day to make dinner. Which is just long enough to open a cheese stick and a bag of carrots. But we already ate that for lunch.

My proposed answer? A personal chef to sponsor my Hardcore Television Challenge!

Because that would be realistic and relatable.

Thank you to Romp n’ Roll for supporting our Television challenge!  (We’ve definitely hid from our television there.)

Continued thank yous to The Mommies Network.

And don’t forget that Corrina has kindly offered a fellow challenger a FREE BOOK OF HER CHOOSING from Barefoot Books! I’ll choose the winner at random on the final Thursday (July 29th). I know some of you have been participating but are not bloggers. You can still win the book! Please include a comment on the final post so I have your name to add to the drawing.  I’ll announce the winner Friday July 30th.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

28 thoughts to “I’m The King Of World! Hungry And Without Television. But Still King-ish.”

  1. I was gonna say that making a salad ain’t cooking Hon. But on review, we saw that you scooped out pasta and sauce. On further review it beats the pants off my popping pizza rolls in the micro. I do crank some tasty meat products out my trusty Foreman.

  2. Glad to hear this week went a little smoother for you. And there are plenty of fine eating establishments around to procure dinner. No worries!

  3. Ok, I’m going to let you in on an awesome secret: I’ve been letting my daughter eat popsicles for breakfast for over a week. I got some sweet popsicle molds (Shit, I’m boring – referring to popsicle molds as “sweet”) and then made a bunch of smoothies with berries, yogurt and just a little bit of maple syrup for flavor. She eats them like crazy thinking it’s a treat and she’s getting away with something naughty first thing in the morning. Sometimes I even play it up: “Moommmm can I pleaasseee have a pop for breakfast?” Me: “Oh I dunno, that’s pretty wild.” I think I have a new blog post in the making 🙂

  4. Cooking in the summer is hard anyway. It’s hot, and muggy, and you just don’t feel it. I’m with you. I’m also with you on the personal chef. That is my dream. If they ask the question, what would you buy if you became rich. Personal. chef. And it would only have to be a couple a days a week. aaaahhhhh

  5. I can’t cook in the same kitchen as someone else. I can’t even cook if someone is loitering around the kitchen idly “helping” because I will bat their hand away and shout at them.

    I wouldn’t know how to cope with unoccupied children while I was cooking. Much sympathy!

  6. One pot meals are my saving grace – well that and veggie steamers. Frankly we wouldn’t eat veggies if it wasn’t for the steamers. We eat a lot of quesadillas too – cheese, cheese with fat free refried beans, cheese with chicken, ground beef – the possibilities are endless and it’s great Gnome finger food. It’s amazing what you can hide in a quesadilla. Another thing is the Southern Living Ultimate Quick and Easy cookbook. Pretty much everything can be prepped and cooked in like 30 minutes. If I’m REALLY pressed for time – 1 lb ground beef sauted, 2 1/2 cups rice cooked, can diced tomatoes, season to taste and bake in the oven in a 13×9 pan for 20 mins covered with mozzerella cheese and foil. That’s good for like 2 dinners and you can do a lot with it. Same with homemade mac and cheese. Cheese, butter, milk macaroni, cut-up ham steak, bag of frozen beans – mix and bake for 30 minutes. You can even use cut up Boar’s Head if in a real pinch!

    You rock. Seriously – 30 minutes a week. You should be given the mom of the year award. While your conversation with the TV was cute this week please be sure to tell us if and when it has you saying REDRUM, REDRUM, so we can come over and help – or at least call the police from far, far away because that’s Jack is a bit scary.

  7. I wish I could blame TV for my cooking. Sometimes I love it, right now, not so much. PB&J for dinner, yum. Canned soup. Super. Lunch meat and baby carrots, excellent. Here honey, cheese and crackers and a cut up apple. Thank goodness my picky eater is out of town or working late this week. Yes, the biggest, he’s the hardest to feed.

  8. Trying to cook with kiddo’s under your feet, when they can’t really help, is a pain in the pooper. Have you tried a slow cooker? Pop in the ingredients in the morning or during nap time and it’s ready for dinner.

  9. I really wish you’d not put our conversations out where everyone can read them. We had something special but now it’s gone.

    PS: The washer thinks you’re freaky cute.

    1. Whatever, you totally cheated on me with the DVD player. And the now the dryer is going to pissed because you KNOW he’s got a thing for the washing machine. Who’s the big mouth now?

  10. I love your TV challenge. {And it reminds me of a top ten list I did ages ago about why we should stop watching so much TV — I calculated the amount of life I lost while watching Saved by the Bell in Middle School.}
    And, I love your sense of humour. {I’m cold, TV, she whispered between blue lips, gripping the raft a little tighter…}
    And I love that you found a mistake on my Twitter page and took the time to tell me! {So now we can be virtual BFFs.}

  11. I’ll admit it. I hate to cook. Sometimes I “forget” to start dinner so we’re left with choosing between cereal or Daddy picking up fast food. Which we eat in front of the TV. (No, just kidding on the TV part, but maybe I had you there for a second??)

  12. Ha – too funny! Love your conversation with the TV. And I hear ya – I can’t IMAGINE preparing dinner every night with two kids right there in the kitchen with me! I definitely don’t have enough patience for that! Good luck!!

  13. I boycotted cooking for about three weeks.
    But then our food bill was out of control… so… back to the kitchen for me…
    And our favorite 5pm show isn’t on anymore, so there hasn’t been tv… and we’ve survived. Barely. There’s a lot more snacking prior to dinner than is probably healthy, but it keeps them out of my hair for a little bit! 🙂

  14. When I was growing up, my parents would make me read books in the summer to get “tv credits”, in an effort to steer me towards reading. It worked rather well- until TV on DVD’s came out. Now I’ve been catching up on every TV show that was ever invented in my past 28 years of life (slight exaggeration).

  15. We used to do the hardcore challenge. Well, the dude challenge anyway. It was wonderful, and I felt as though my mothering skills were all superior and amazing.

    My husband just came back for his leave from Afghanistan, and wondered what the hell happened to my previously insanely strict TV rules. But with a 2 1/2 year old, 1 1/2 year old, and me on my own always, no TV for us means: no clean clothes, a kitchen rank with unidentifiable smells, and precisely that- cheese strings and carrots. And my kids hate carrots. ;o)

    I’ll take you up on your challenge when my husband returns this December- the dude challenge. Hardcore? Seriously impressive.

  16. Wait a second…does the the 30 min. apply to the ADULTS TOO?! Reeeeeaaally? Don’t know where I’ve been. That’s amazing. You should be applauded…with or without losing a mommy marble or too. And I totally HATE cooking as well. I would have babies constantly if it meant that people would never stop bringing me dinners. Ok, that’s not true, but I’d be REALLY tempted.

  17. I love cooking but with a toddler between my feet, it’s becoming a challenge. Hmm, fabulous new dish with penne or NOT so scald my child who’s haphazardly playing hide n seek with my skirt? OK fine. Toasted bagel it is. Ugh!

    And I so hear you on the mess. It’s the part of cooking that I hate but we have a you cook, I clean policy in our house, which helps, although sometimes it doesn’t always work out that way. Another Ugh.

    Oh and one more Ugh for the road: My daughter is now completely enamored with Elmo & gang, and Sesame Street is an hour-long program. I am failing this challenge even before I start it…

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