My husband sends me an email with the title: can we get this for my birthday?
And I am PSYCHED. Because I have NO IDEA what to do for Scott’s birthday. And I’m kind of busy right now doing, you know, MY STUFF.
He’s turning the big 3-2. And he never WANTS anything. And not that fake I-dont-want-something-but-I-do. He’s just very chill about holidays and gifts. Whereas I’m like I WANT MINE EXACTLY LIKE THIS RIGHT NOW.
So here is this email. THE ANSWER.
And then I open it.
The first line is a link to A MOUNTAIN HOME. That he wants FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. A MOUNTAIN HOME. And under it, he writes: I could take the kids there for the weekend to give you time off to write.
So I call my sister. Who will understand this tom-foolery for what it is. Tom-foolery. I mean this isn’t even his 5-0 or something. And who asks for a HOUSE for his birthday except like Paris Hilton?
Me: Scott wants a mountain home
Aunt K: You should totally do it! You’d have fun!
Me: Owning two homes is ridiculous.
Aunt K: I knew you’d feel that way.
Aunt K: I told Scott to mention the skiing nearby
Me: You KNEW? I think Scott should take the kids and RENT a cabin by himself WITHOUT GETTING SCARED before we BUY A HOME IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
Aunt K: Why does he want a mountain home in the first place?
Aunt K: What?
Me: To hide from zombies.
Aunt K: Won’t they come from the woods? Isn’t that like the first place they’ll be?
Me: No, they’ll be where the people are. The city will be way worse. All those people turning zombie.
Aunt K: Don’t zombies come from the grave?
Me: Well, maybe at first. Although there are more cemeteries here than in the country.
Aunt K: I know. I always figured the zombies got all the country people first because there were less of them and then they added them to their zombie army to take over the hundreds of thousands of city folk.
Me: Now that just doesn’t even make sense.
But the fact is I don’t know where those first zombies will come from. I just don’t.
I do know where the zombie army will find me. In my house. In my ONE HOUSE in the city-ish. Or at least near the house. Possibly living in a tree.