When You Climb Mount Everest, You Can Pee Wherever You Like

E: Mama, I have to pee.
Me: Okay.
E: I’m going to pee outside.
Me: Okay.
My husband follows E outside a few minutes later.
Scott: Al, did E just pee on the deck?
Me: No.
Scott: E, did you just pee on the deck?
E: YES.

Oops. I kinda thought he'd move at least ten feet from the door.

Yesterday, we also set up his kick-butt baby pool. (I pretty much purchase toys based on what I coveted as a child unless my children have strong opinions to the contrary. Which at one and three years old, their strong opinions are more like: UP! NO, DOWN! NO, UP! DOOOOOWWWWNNN!)

Within 30 minutes our pool looks like this:

Why yes, there is a kitchen utensil in the dirty pool. It's the Where's Waldo for nasty people. Like us.

Oh and the pool has one giant plastic step and two handles in which to hoist your slippery body up in order to slide down it. It’s like Mount Everest for preschoolers. My son is found lying sideways. On his head. Covered in dirt. Multiple times. Until he calls in his Sherpa. Also known as Mama.

Warning: Not for wet or naked children. Even though it's a slide into a baby pool.

I hoist him up in about half-a-minute. Like the Sherpa saying to the Englishmen: Hey, I’ll run up to the peak and be back at nightfall. I left my sunglasses up there. What was that? Are you a day away from the peak? {laughter} NO. Only I am. You are like a month away. If we get rid of the stupid one.

Poor E FINALLY manages the climb and slide on his own. Each time is a ten minute ordeal, which in preschooler-time is like two months. And for the parent of a preschooler, is heaven.

Ten minutes of sitting = awesome

This pool would sell like Sherpa-Mama Hotcakes if they added, Warning: This pool is only for lazy parents of determined children.

I’ll take three. My Sherpa butt’s already been to the top of that slide.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

19 thoughts to “When You Climb Mount Everest, You Can Pee Wherever You Like”

  1. Funny, I’ve got backyard toys stashed away in my kitchen cabinets. Well, not really, but maybe. Youneverknowwhatadiligent 1 year old will put away.

  2. Your post got me thinking–wouldn’t life be a lot nicer if we all had Sherpas to help us shlep through life when it got hard?

    I think the pool company should hire you as a spokesmodel. With a slogan like “This pool is only for lazy parents of determined children,” how can they go wrong?
    .-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Grilled Tomato Bread with Proscuitto =-.

  3. Isnt that a guy thing? I am pretty sure the age has nothing to do with it. Most adult men pee in the back yard. Too funny.

    It looks like a promising summer for you. ; )

  4. Mom who would like to sit back and enjoy lazing on the deck, check. Child determined to conquer toddler equivalent of Everest, not exactly, so I just know I would be the one up and down, getting the work out! But it looks like a really fun pool!

  5. This had me laughing, especially the kitchen utensil part. I also buy my kids based on what I always wished I could have. My daughter got the deluxe baby stroller since I was desperate for one as a kid.

  6. A really lazy parent (such as myself) wouldn’t even bother to buy a pool in the first place because of all the work involved with the filling of the pool, supervising pool usage, emptying pool, changing kid out of wet clothes, etc. So you are a rock star Sherpa Mama!

    And we have kitchen utensils in the sand table – which lives on the screened porch, so when I’m feeling really lazy I can boot my E out there and cook dinner in peace.

  7. I buy the toys I want, too! As soon as my sons were old enough, we bought the game Battleship (I really wanted that game when I was a kid!). I still enjoy playing it with my kids.

  8. I have plans today to pick up a baby pool for our yard. I, like you, am tempted to buy all of the things I liked or coveted. In this case, I’m just determined to get my kid to have fun in the water (I am oversensitive/worried because of a disastrous trip to the beach last year, you know, when he was a totally different tiny person).
    .-= Leslie´s last blog ..On turtle lore and stupid birthday poems =-.

  9. That is definitely a kick-bottom (as I’ve been told is the only appropriate word) pool and backyard toy. I bet he’s an expert in no time!

  10. I use the same meter for purchases: what did I want as a kid? And they go with it…then I wonder why I’m the only one begging for another round of “Twister.”

  11. Why do they throw so much crap in the pool? My son does it too. Oh, and he pees outside…right into the pool. Good times…

    Yesterday, the kids were in their little pool for a half hour…it was fantastic!
    .-= Natalie´s last blog ..The Flower Garden =-.

  12. We used to have that pool! I HATED the slide. Hated it. PITA to set up, the kids couldn’t maneuver it on their own. The arch/spray thingie wouldn’t stay up. Soon I detached the gunk and said “Here, rectangular pool with no frills. GO.” Much better. Until I let it mildew.

    I’m a bit confused about the kitchen utensils…do you mean to imply that this isn’t normal?
    .-= Jess´s last blog ..word of the day 150/365: smile =-.

  13. Those pools become like a brackish pond in 20 minutes flat. And I’m too cheap to buy my kids waterproof Pampers so God knows what’s leaking out of their regular diaps. Just wait till they DEMAND you get in the pool. That’s when you know you love your kids.

  14. I met a woman the other day who handed me a business card which proclaimed she was a “Career Sherpa.” She got all annoyed when I giggled.

    I remember the days of wading pools filled with kitchen utensils and bath toys and dogs and anything else the girls wanted. I DON’T CARE! Just let me read this book in the hammock for 15 minutes. PLEASE!

    Good times.

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