I love the hope and joy heard around engagements and weddings. But sometimes I just want to scream: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. GET READY FOR WORK. GOOD WORK THAT YOU CAN BE PASSIONATE ABOUT, BUT WORK NONETHELESS.
When my husband and I got engaged, married friends pulled us aside and said: Being engaged sucks.
And it did. Planning a wedding amidst family opinions (don’t worry. at least I got to wear the white go-go boots. even if we did end up with a band instead of a dj) and wondering every time he farts or forgets IT’S-OUR-EIGHT-MONTHIVERSERY (or remembers, depending on where you fall on the great monthiversary debate) who is this guy I’m marrying, is THE WORST.
Because of our friend’s honesty, we limited our engagement to seven months. And had our wedding needed to be postponed? Chaos. Murder. And elopement. But luckily it came off without a hitch (well with one hitch that I’ll have to blog out another time).
All the guests left. Our home is full of kitchen supplies and a random red fake-rotary phone that I insisted be on our registry. I’m sitting around trying to figure out how to change my name without losing me.
Suddenly, we were MARRIED.
And guess what? He still farts like it’ll make him popular and he ALSO STACKS THE DISHWASHER WRONG.
As we faced these disappointments in each other and when I thought that slamming the door would make my point MUCH MORE LOGICAL, I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone. Because it is our HONEYMOON PERIOD. If we are falling apart now, we are doomed.
The first year is NOT the honeymoon period. Seriously, don’t most divorces occur in the first year? That IS how I like to spend my honeymoon. Judge Keene and I laying on the sands of Belize toasting another DIVORCE COURT gone right.
Instead, my husband and I begrudgingly learned to ask the important questions: Why do you need to leave your socks all over the house like breadcrumbs?
And give important answers: Having your sock path is clearly more important to you than it is to me.
And have important thoughts: Would I rather be right (sock paths are weird) or happy (step over said sock path and kiss my husband hello)?
And at our one year anniversary, I said: If this is our worst year, we are going to be okay.
And we are. Wait, we are more than okay. I love Scott and our relationship more this year than last year. My heart is bigger. My sex life is better. My ability to be compassionate, caring, and hilarious have improved. Well, enough to make this year better than the last one.
So if you are in your first year of marriage and it sucks, take heart. We liked each other a LOT better year two.
And we will have seven years of AWESOME in November. Perhaps we will celebrate by picking up my husband’s socks. Or having him JUST wear a sock. Probably the latter.