Just Call Me Pastor Late Enough. Seriously. Call Me!

No, I haven’t started my own church (YET!), but I got ordained! For the day! (Welcome to Virginia!)  And I had the honor of pronouncing my friends, C&M, husband and wife.

I was AWESOME.  So I’m going into the areligious God business!  Here’s a little glimpse into what Pastor Late Enough can do for you.

While at the Circuit Court to get my ordainment before MY BIG DAY (oh, C&M’s too), the Circuit Court lady who fielded my three hundred phone calls finally got to meet me.

Me: I’m Alex
Circuit Court lady: Oh. You.
Me: {BIG SMILE}
Circuit Court lady: Okay, well, here is everything. Let’s go over it very slowly.
Me: Ok. Great!
Circuit Court lady: Fill out HEREHERHEEHREHERHEHREHRHEEHREHRE and please sign this $500 bond.
Me: Uh, ok. Wait, what about this line? Title of officiant?
Circuit Court lady: That is the frameable marriage certificate for the bride and groom. It isn’t legal so you can put whatever you want. Celebrant. Friend.
Me: Awesome person?
Circuit Court lady: Um, yes?

And finally MY BIG DAY came. The site was BEAUTIFUL! But it had some quirks. Or is just a wonderful example of why I live in a CITY in VIRGINIA and not RURAL VIRGINIA.

Pastor Bear Enough. I could've also been Pastor Bob Cat Enough. Or Pastor Half-A-Deer Is Enough.

So I broke out my reindeer antlers (no i didn’t). But I did forget to wear deodorant, which meant I attracted animals including a swan which showed up DURING THE CEREMONY.

Free white swan! We call him Swan Enough.

I even prayed for Lebron James during their celebration. And it didn’t cost extra! And he will TOTALLY STAY IN CLEVELAND NOW! (You’re welcome C & the rest of the Cleveland Cavaliers fans.)

What’s my payment? Well, C covered my fee well:

My first pair of Adidas. Given to me by the bride.
C's neice was a better dancer than me. Even in my brand-new kicks

So if you want Pastor Late Enough, I’d love my next pair of Adidas in red or purple. Oh, my yellow and black Converse are DYING {sad face}… so feel free to replace those as well.

And C & M’s marriage certificate?

My title? AWESOME PERSON

Don’t be jealous. My friends just happen to ROCK THE HOUSE. But if you hire me, you can rock the house too! Or I can rock your house. And we can rock God’s house. He LOVES shoes. Oh wait, that’s just me.

PS. Pastor Late Enough available for marriage counseling, as well. Since I have no actual experience with counseling, please provide bridesmaid dress. I’m most comfortable in satin.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

26 thoughts to “Just Call Me Pastor Late Enough. Seriously. Call Me!”

  1. Damn! Now the friend who married us is going to be upset that we didn’t give her that title. Must find a way to hide your site from her…

  2. I have a friend who got ordained by some church over the internet which was actually legally recognized in a few states in the US. his father was a “real” pastor and was none too impressed.

    The most shocking/unusual wedding I attended was one where the priest was also the father of the bride. the groom’s speech included a reference to this “talk about the fear of god”

    love your dress BTW

  3. That is so awesome.

    My Son-in-law got his “areligious” online. He then married his sister, wait that didn’t sound right, and I don’t live in Tennessee, he officiated their ceremony.

    In July he will be doing the same thing for my youngest son. I’m kind of excited because younger son will get the kind of ceremony that my other 2 didn’t have, meaning, that they won’t be having any type of religion jammed down their throats.

    Loved your picture of you in your dress and new shoes. priceless

  4. And THAT is why you have your friends be your pastor. All I have to show for mine is some pictures of a bald dude in a robe who looked a lot like Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Awesome Person, it is!

    How’d the family hold up without you?

  5. LOVE. I’d like to make some pronouncements, but even more I think I’d like to be a groomsman. I’m slowly running out of friends who might make me one, though.

  6. How wonderful to get to do something like that for your friends! I think you are well on your way to your own church, “The Awesomeness Church For The Totally Awesome” – how does that sound?!?

  7. Very cool. I would have loved to have a good friend preside over our wedding.

    God and business in one breath – too funny!

    I like the idea about marriage counseling – that should be another section on your blog!

  8. All of those people who manage to have swans at their weddings have attracted them with underarm pheromones? Good to know. I am making a note, in case I ever need a swan.

    Also? You? Way Awesome Person.

    What a great wedding!

  9. i’m not married nor likely to be. but i was wondering if you would ever be qualified to annul some really sucking decisions that i have made over the past few years. that tattoo for starters. please convo me asap.

    1. I can annul tattoos. But it may be awkward when the tattoo tries to move on to a new person. I mean, what if you don’t like them? (im pretty sure this reply makes sense. otherwise, lets start over tomorrow?)

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