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I Cannot Believe I Wrote A Post About The Importance Of Poetry And My Butt

by Alex Iwashyna

in Resentments, Social Life, Writing and Blogging

My neck hurts and my desk chair is broken. I couldn’t be amusing or cute if you were paying me. (But I would try harder if you were paying me. Do you want my paypal account? Seriously.)

Oh and my dog clearly has an itchy butt. AND SO DO I. I’m pretending that they’re unrelated.

In other news that I CANNOT BELIEVE

I cannot believe I took this AWESOME picture of my daughter and didn’t share.

I cannot believe that oil is still pouring into the Gulf of Mexico. If you are a poet, a friend tweeted out this awesome site where you can send your work inspired by this catastrophe. Poems are written about so many of the events of our lives and our histories. Poems are about love and loss and death and hope. About wars fought in the battlefield and in our homes. The oil spill may be the worst ecologic disaster of our lifetime. So poetry must be written.

Possible titles:

  • Top Kill
  • BP, Be Me
  • Oil Keeps Out The Sun
  • The Wells Of My Heart Aren’t Slick

I cannot believe THEY haven’t invented spell check for the REALLY BAD spellers. I just spent three minutes on “catastrophe.” I google one out of every five words because spell check has NO GUESSES. NO GUESSES is one less guess than I have. Someday, I’ll post without using spell check and you will wonder how I ever graduated from the fourth grade. Oh and the guy who like created the spell-check programs DIED. I am so screwed.

And finally, I cannot believe that after tweeted this about my butt,

I received responses. Because, well, the tweet was about MY BUTT. I underestimate Twitter coolness yet again.

The responses are honest, insightful, and daring – kind of like my butt. In fact, if you wish to write a poem about my butt, please let me know in the comments. I will have a site up shortly. You can also write about my broken chair.

Thank you for caring.

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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Aging Mommy June 3, 2010 1

I did see your tweet about the butt problem – hopefully it is just sympathy itching and not something your dog has actually passed on to you :-)
I can’t believe you got so many responses to this!

As for spell check, I totally agree, it is so annoying to be told you have misspelt something but not be given any ideas on WHY!!!

Lovely photo by the way too


TheKitchenWitch June 3, 2010 2

I’m allergic to Twitter (being on it makes my butt itch) but if I’d read your tweet, I’m sure I would have shown similar interest as those responders above.

Curious…how do you know that your dog’s butt itches? Can you talk to it like Dr. Doolittle?

Photo of daughter=awesome.
.-= TheKitchenWitch´s last blog ..Grilled Tomato Bread with Proscuitto =-.


Alexandra June 3, 2010 3

Sorry about your butt itch.

Annoying. Can you pop a beer, pour some into doggy’s dish and commiserate?

I’d love to see you write poem for that delicious photo of your daughter. That would be a treat.


Natalie June 3, 2010 4

Proof of the power of Twitter! Great responses!

They need to make a “does it make sense” check. I posted something yesterday about my knee popping, except I wrote knew. Spell check said I was good to go. And I posted it – but it didn’t make any sense!
.-= Natalie´s last blog ..Cuz I Gotta Have Faith =-.


the Mother June 3, 2010 5

I keep Wiktionary on my bookmarks bar, for easy reference. Spell check only uses first grade words. I’m up to at least high school.
.-= the Mother´s last blog ..Excuse Me While I Install a Security System in my Kitchen =-.


Kate June 3, 2010 6

I need that spell check too. The pain, the uncertainty, the inability to look it up because I CAN’T spell it.
I haven’t found my words about the oil spill. It is shocking and terrifying.
And this makes me think Twitter has something to offer. May the itches go away.


KLZ June 3, 2010 7

I’m normally a decent speller but anything with double consonants gets me.

I have no idea how to spell occassionally or embarrassed or surreptitiously.

But I can spell mitochondria just fine. Which is great since I use it EVERY DAY.
.-= KLZ´s last blog ..Dressing Myself =-.


Walt June 3, 2010 8

Two Star Crossed Lovers
Itchy Butt and Broken Chair
They Meet ,Kiss , Wiggle.
.-= Walt´s last blog ..The Horten 229 =-.


Charlotte June 3, 2010 9

I have the same problem with spell check. Luckily google can usually solve the dilemma (spell check did catch that word for me and had the right possibility listed).

I hope you have finally conquered the itch. And hopefully washed your hands, foot, wall- whatever it took to get it done.


reasonably chubby June 3, 2010 10

Alex, I think you may have worms. I’m sorry I said it, it may seem harsh, but seriously. I hope you don’t. But, you probably do. And I’m not even a doctor, like you and your husband. But I am a terrific speller and my father is a pharmacist, so I feel my diagnosis is correct. (I just wrote all those words and spelled them correctly…) So, anyway, you’re a doctor with a itchy hiney and I’m an excellent speller. I hope your butt feels better soon. :)


Christine LaRocque June 3, 2010 11

I’m sorry to say that I cannot comment for laughing so hard. Yes…the whole office now knows that I read blogs at work. YOUR FAULT.
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Blogging: Conversations in happiness and more =-.


jamie June 3, 2010 12

Spell check made me into a terrible speller. I was an excellent speller until I started doing all my work on a computer, which made me need spell check more, and that made me an even worse speller, and on and on. It’s a vicious cycle.

As for butts, both human and canine, I sympathize. In my experience, canine butt itchiness generally means something gross is on the way, though. Just a heads up.


Chara June 3, 2010 13

Alex’s Issues – A Haiku

My dear butt itches.
Sally Dog scratches as well.
Question…which came first?


kris June 3, 2010 14

First of all? That photo is amazing! Your daughter is beautiful!

And second? How honored am I that my Tweet made it into the blog post? My ass is proud.


Elisabeth June 3, 2010 15

Your butt itches so
Your chair needs a nice new seat
A pain in your neck!

As always, I enjoyed your post. Correct spelling is overrated.


Leslie June 3, 2010 16

Oh, it’s the worst when there are no guesses. It’s happened to me with words simpler than catastrophe, and I take it personally. With texting, on the other hand: what is UP with all of those guesses? I have to look half of them up on
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..On turtle lore and stupid birthday poems =-.


The Sweetest June 3, 2010 17

Oh, itchy bunghole, how thou annoyeth me!
Nothing a little salve won’t cure.
.-= The Sweetest´s last blog ..“Un-tuitive” Mom =-.


Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip June 4, 2010 18

Haaaaaa!!! Your butt deserves it’s own blog after all that. I’m a little nervous though what might happen if it got it’s own Twitter account.


Wieteke June 4, 2010 19

maybe the two are related… Neck pain can be a real “itch in the ass”?


bmomma June 4, 2010 20

Sally’s issue maybe allergy related – I used to babysit for a family whose dog dragged his booty around the house when the allergies flared up. Kind of made me not want to sit on the floor, but that was the least of their housecleaning issues (which I now understand better and fully sympathize with, thanks to small chillins of my own in the middle of our own perpetual disaster zone.)

Or, Sally may just need an, er, um, wipe. Baby wipes are useful in this department by Sally may not enjoy the process.

I will not venture to guess on the origins of thine own issues, but wish you speedy relief : )


ck June 5, 2010 21

Those responses are hilarious. Though, let’s be honest, your tweets are so funny it’s not surprising they inspired replies like that.

And also – I’m a huge fan of hipstamatic, too. Genius app. Works wonders to cover up the iPhones less-than-stellar camera…


Cranky Sarah June 6, 2010 22

If you really want a post about your butt, ask your husband to guest for you!
.-= Cranky Sarah´s last blog ..OOTW: What I wore on my anniversary =-.


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