Okay I NEVER wear thongs. And I won Best Butt back in 1995 at my summer camp so it’s not because I can’t shake it with the best of them. But I cannot handle the INFINITE WEDGY (said in a echo-y voice like in the Muppet’s Show PIGS IN SPACE).
And any sentence that ends with but you’ll get used to it is NOT going to fly with me. Except for shoes and sparkles, I take function over form any day. (And sparkles on my thongs aren’t going to cut it. Maybe just cut my butt. Which is NOT okay because there is NO way to get a band-aid to stick on a butt.)
I even tried these underwear
And then I realized: Why? Why do I care? Shouldn’t people be HAPPY to know I’m wearing underwear? I come across three hundred people a day that I’m relieved to know that they have full-coverage underwear on.
So I ask: What’s the big deal about panty lines?
(And you can weigh in on the bra straps, too. I can get away without a bra so this is really for the big-boob readers. Or the any boob readers.)
Best interaction that I had nothing to do with. Oh and some answers in there too. Kellie writes: When my husband and I were first dating I was a thong wearing woman. Now 10, oh hell 15 pounds, heavier…I’m not. I don’t care how pretty the underwear is when its a strap running through your crack and your ass is pale and need I say, big – it’s not attractive. I moved back to the comfortable panties for his benefit. Besides between the diaper bag, cell phone, purse, two hands to hold and coffee cup/soda I have enough to hold onto without pulling fabric out of my ass.
I’d sell one of my children to go braless. (Wait dont call CPS yet – Im only half serious) Ive been sporting an underwire since my boobs hit size D in sixth grade. Now my DD’s arent really measured in cup sizes. They are measured in length. Now Im a 38 Long! Breastfeeding/gravity were not kind. As soon as I win the lottery I’ll be under the knife and braless as quickly as I can. Oh the glory days….!
Mandy replies:
Kellie, we don’t know each other, but you’re my soul sister.
I too used to be a thong wearing woman. I even wore them while pregnant with my first child. Then…I had a baby and re-discovered the joys of full coverage.
I did go braless in my wild and crazy Ricky Martin Latin dance craze days. I sported the backless tops made so memorable by the music videos. Of course, my DD’s were prone to…jiggling. Thank God for duct tape.
Now…with breastfeeding, my boobs have gotten to the point where I can use my bras as a parachute in case of plane crashes.
And you think I’m joking.
Answer that made think at least I’m not totally alone anymore (and she loves my husband. But not in a weird I-have-to-beat-her-up way.) Tracey writes: Finally!!! Someone else (under 70) who doesn’t understand what the big freaking deal about seeing panty lines is!! I can’t tell you how happy my pediatrician is your husband. Otherwise, I would never have found you & our secret kinship of Visible Panty Lines. I love you for understanding my need not to floss my butt. Flossing my teeth is plenty, thanks.
{ 74 comments… read them below or add one }
← Previous Comments
I’ve never worried about the pantyline issue too much but I’ve found skirts are a good solution. The up side…comfortable, attractive and not a pantyline in sight. The down side…it’s really windy where I live and I quite often find my skirt drifting north of the border when the breeze catches it just right.
Which probably means the full coverage underwear is a *really* good idea now that I think about it… :O
HA! I wasn’t sure if your emoticon :O was looking up a thong or commando skirt on a windy day. But then I realized that made no sense. And instead I found this one: (_|_) or ({}).
Okay why do I find these totally hilarious?
Actually it was supposed to be the shocked expression on the face of passers-by who were subjected to the sight. Maybe this is better? 8-O
Ha ha…I love this one -> (_|_). Fortunately I was in-between mouthfuls of tea when I saw it.
Two words for you:
Boy. Shorts.
Full coverage, no panty line and you can buy them in a five pack.
Ahhh…remember the days of matching bra and panty sets?
Those days are so far away now… Nursing bras? Don’t have match panties with clips for a quick pee or something.
So boy shorts tried to get up my butt too (it must be fun in there)… so where do you shop for yours. Victoria Secret did NOT go well.
PS. Your boobs as parachutes comment reply below was HYSTERICAL
Ahhh…there’s the problem: buying them at Vikki’s Secret. You’ve gotta go to Target, next to the diaper aisle, near the Assets and across from boxes of bras. No sparkles in sight. Just a lot of good, ol’ fashioned cotton.
Mandy is right — boy shorts are a great solution for this. I’m not at all opposed to a thong, but boy shorts are a good alternative. They are usually what I go for when wearing a skirt or dress so I don’t feel so, ahem, exposed.
I’m so jealous of anyone who can go without wearing a bra. I’ve always been bigger up top, but since being pregnant and nursing, things are just all kinds of out of whack in that area. But anyway, I think as far as seeing bra straps, it’s all about context. A formal event, probably not ok, but if you’re just out and about in Target or what have you, I don’t really care.
“Bigger up top” was what I got for the last five months of pregnancy and the year of breastfeeding my first. Not exactly the times that I can stick a tassel on and really enjoy them.
But I will check out the boy shorts. But where? Because I tried them once form Victoria Secret and ended up with glittery boy shorts in my now glittery butt crack.
LOL-because I don’t get the thong thing either
YAY!
I agree–I am happy to know that you ARE wearing underwear and not naked under those pants. I too hate thongs- E-coli is all I can think about whenever I see a thong. It makes me want to wash my hands immediately and often. I’m truly amazed that the masses have been willing to put up with a ‘wedgie’ to avoid panty lines…shocking! Bring on the comfort! Give me my granny panties or give me death!
I also feel like they are dirtier. Um, that fabric was in your BUTT CRACK ALL DAY LONG!
I have a big buttcrack and am all over those panties linked. I’ll let you know how it goes. Even if you don’t want to know. Which I’m sure you don’t. I’ll still let you know.
I love bra straps. As much as mine show, they are a geedee accessory to almost every outfit I wear. I saw Amy Sedaris on a talk show once and she talked about how she sewed rhinestones on all of her bra straps because if they are going to hang out they should at least look pretty. I’m stealing that.
Well I do have a thing for sparkly things. And I was pretty proud when I could start wearing bras. At like fourteen. BEDAZZLE!
And I can’t WAIT to learn more about your large butt crack. Because isn’t that a line in the song THAT’S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!! FOR GOOD TIMES! AND BUTT CRACKS!! ALL BE BUYING UNDERWEAR EVERMORE!!
I have an aversion to pantylines. Not sure why but when I am out in public, I use thongs. Not the most comfortable but I got used to them, and take comfort in the fact that I’m pantylineless. At home, I wear full coverage, with a preference for boy shorts-type underwear. They are definitely more comfortable. Funny I have strong feelings about pantylines but could care less if my fingers aren’t manicured or my hair isn’t perfectly bouncy. And braless? Never. Not with boobs my size.
Well, I’ll keep my hair bouncy and you keep yourself pantylineless and together we make one fashionable mama!
Two reasons I wear thongs (from time to time – I embrace all underwear equally):
1. I don’t have to pick it out of my crack because it’s suppose to be there. All undies wind up there eventually so why bother?
2. It’s all that fit right now and I refuse to buy maternity underwear.
I LOVE that you are sporting the thong and third trimester preggos. You are so very saucy.
I wear a thong unless I’m wearing jeans. I don’t know why. I find them perfectly comfortable. I guess because like someone else mentioned, all my underwear ends up in my butt crack anyways, might as well be on purpose.
As for the bra thing, I have to wear one. I’m a G cup and my boobs are super saggy. So if I don’t wear one my belly has two large lumps. Not pretty.
The belly lumps visual? Hilarious and disturbing.
But I’ve heard the rumors about thongs and comfort. Maybe I have more butt nerves. Okay that’s a REALLY weird sentence to write.
You just all sorts of made my day. No wait, something else even better (sorry) made my today. But in 17 minutes it will be a new day. So we’ll pretend I read that and responded then.
This is what comes up when I google ‘i’m a doctor i “wear thong” panties’ and look for you. So I’m officially one of those searches now. You were like number 7 on the list.
I prefer boy shorts. I tried wearing thongs a few years ago and hated them. I feel cuter and much more comfortable in boy shorts. Who gives a shit about panty lines? I have more important things to worry about
← Previous Comments
{ 1 trackback }