Okay I NEVER wear thongs. And I won Best Butt back in 1995 at my summer camp so it’s not because I can’t shake it with the best of them. But I cannot handle the INFINITE WEDGIE (said in a echo-y voice like in the Muppet’s Show PIGS IN SPACE).
And any sentence that ends with but you’ll get used to it is NOT going to fly with me. Except for shoes and sparkles, I take function over form any day. (And sparkles on my thongs aren’t going to cut it. Maybe just cut my butt. Which is NOT okay because there is NO way to get a band-aid to stick on a butt.)
I even tried these underwear that SWORE you couldn’t see the panty line through your dress/pants/shirt/shorts. You know WHY you couldn’t see the panty line? Because the underwear spent the day in my butt. They are actually thongs for women with big butt-cracks. But that’s just not a tagline which sells well.
And then I realized: Why? Why do I care? Shouldn’t people be HAPPY to know I’m wearing underwear? I come across three hundred people a day that I’m relieved to know that they have full-coverage underwear on.
So I ask: What’s the big deal about panty lines?
(And you can weigh in on the bra straps, too. I can get away without a bra so this is really for the big-boob readers. Or the any boob readers.)
Best interaction that I had nothing to do with. Oh and some answers in there too. Kellie writes: When my husband and I were first dating I was a thong wearing woman. Now 10, oh hell 15 pounds, heavier…I’m not. I don’t care how pretty the underwear is when its a strap running through your crack and your ass is pale and need I say, big — it’s not attractive. I moved back to the comfortable panties for his benefit. Besides between the diaper bag, cell phone, purse, two hands to hold and coffee cup/soda I have enough to hold onto without pulling fabric out of my ass.
I’d sell one of my children to go braless. (Wait dont call CPS yet — Im only half serious) Ive been sporting an underwire since my boobs hit size D in sixth grade. Now my DD’s arent really measured in cup sizes. They are measured in length. Now Im a 38 Long! Breastfeeding/gravity were not kind. As soon as I win the lottery I’ll be under the knife and braless as quickly as I can. Oh the glory days….!
Kellie, we don’t know each other, but you’re my soul sister.
I too used to be a thong wearing woman. I even wore them while pregnant with my first child. Then…I had a baby and re-discovered the joys of full coverage.
I did go braless in my wild and crazy Ricky Martin Latin dance craze days. I sported the backless tops made so memorable by the music videos. Of course, my DD’s were prone to…jiggling. Thank God for duct tape.
Now…with breastfeeding, my boobs have gotten to the point where I can use my bras as a parachute in case of plane crashes.
And you think I’m joking.
Answer that made think at least I’m not totally alone anymore (and she loves my husband. But not in a weird I-have-to-beat-her-up way.) Tracey writes: Finally!!! Someone else (under 70) who doesn’t understand what the big freaking deal about seeing panty lines is!! I can’t tell you how happy my pediatrician is your husband. Otherwise, I would never have found you & our secret kinship of Visible Panty Lines. I love you for understanding my need not to floss my butt. Flossing my teeth is plenty, thanks.