Tonight I passed a car that said SECURITY PATROL on it’s side. With a big ol’ badge in the middle that was shaped like a police badge but with the SCALES OF JUSTICE in the center. I attempted to take a picture. At night. While leaving a voicemail.
I didn’t die. My voicemail made no sense. And I didn’t get the picture. (I DID debate whether I could still pull off this blog post without PROOF.)
The car then sped up and merged into my lane and on the trunk was the matching sticker: PATROL. (With the SECURITY part POSSIBLY ripped off because the truck lip was small.) Again my picture-taking-while-driving is not as good as my emailing-while-driving (that’s not texting!) so you get SECURITY PATROL zooming away.
I’m 99% sure these were bumper stickers adhered to a white four-door American-made car.
My mini-minivan is white and Japanese, but I look good in blue so I google “security patrol car stickers” and find nothing helpful in my new quest to become our neighborhood SECURITY PATROL. (There was a break-in last week so they’ve expelled all foreigners from our neighborhood except those who own homes here. Home-owning-foreigners are quarantined until further notice. The rob-bees, also known as those who were robbed, mentioned that it MIGHT have been an inside job. I’m thinking crack-addict daughter. They’re thinking house-cleaning crew. Either way, a security patrol is NEEDED. And the rob-bees have all that disposable income from firing the cleaning crew!)
The only useful item on Google is a picture of SECURITY PATROL’S passenger.
And then I hit bank. Look at all the free stuff I’ll get!
All this free stuff is SO great because I pretty much pay for EVERYTHING around here. By pay, I mean that my husband goes to work and I stay home and think (CORRECTLY) that I should be paid. Oh, and I start writing part-time in about a week. So not only will I NOT be making any money, but I’ll be paying someone else to watch my children one day/week. And on the other day of my soon-to-be-launched writing career? I’m letting my husband see the dark side of the stay-at-home hood.
Appreciation is almost like paycheck. But not really.
This would (WILL) be our company shirt.