Music Loser

I am a music loser.

How do I know? Let’s see. I only like songs that I already know all the words to. Making new music difficult, if not impossible, to like.

I also love the song All Star by Smash Mouth and work it into my life as much as possible. Me: E! You went down the BIG slide! HEY NOW! YOU’RE AN ALL STAR! GET YOUR GAME ON! GO PLAY!

I was once music cool. Maybe music TOO COOL. I only liked bands that were NOT on the radio. I started listening to Phish in 1993. And stopped when ONE SONG off ONE ALBUM (Hoist) was on the radio. I actually went through a phase in 1993-94 where I would ONLY listen to oldies stations. Any song that came out during my sophomore year of high school? I do NOT know it. At all. (Thus, relegating it to the I don’t know the lyrics so I won’t listen to it group.)

I went from hippie Phish to Ska to Hip Hop. And then I fell off the planet. Seriously. I just stopped listening to new music.

My theory? I had surrounded myself with the music cool. And when I went through my loner phase, I lost all music credibility. Because all my cred was through other people having good taste.

And perhaps my redeeming quality is that I recognize other people’s good taste. But when left alone, I don’t even know where to start. I’m at baseline a music loser.

At first, I tried to fake it. Oh yeah THAT GUY rules. His song ABOUT LOVE and the DANCE CLUB is awesome. (If I say the possible themes really loud, I get double the credit. Also if I slur them. Then ABOUT LOVE is also ABOUT CHUB which covers two major song themes in one loud, slurry, music cool phrase.)

But it’s just too little too late. I heard Lady Gaga for the first time last month because a BLOG had a video of hers up. I had to GOOGLE Justin Bieber. And only because he is ALWAYS trending on Twitter and I wanted to know: WHO ARE YOU TWITTER MAN? And the saddest for me is that I recognize NO SONGS on our local underground radio station.

But I’ve just decided to SUCK IT UP and accept my music loser status. I’m just not a music person.

If someone wants to tutor me, I can clearly pick out good music. (Yes I can SCOTT.) But I can’t find it.

And as I am dancing to new Black Eyed Peas (which is a band that I cannot STAND (because I know good taste) but brought my kids from HYSTERICS to gentle boogies so I am ROCKING OUT with the head bob) in my white mini-minivan (it’s pretty small) with my two children in the back and food stuck in three places on my shirt, I realize. I’m lame. Whether I get down to Erica Badu or the latest unknown band, I’m still lame.

No kid watches her mom dance and sing and think: WOW. COOL. Well, maybe at first. And by AT FIRST, I mean until they are five. And then they will realize that mama can’t dance even if she can.

I will never be music cool in the eyes of my children. I will call a song AWESOME and they will roll their eyes. (Because who says AWESOME anymore?) And if I listen to the local pop station, my kids will like the alternative station. And if I listen to the alternative station, my kids will like hip hop. And if I listen to the hip hop station, my kids (god-forbid) will like country. And I will not listen to that station EVER.

I’ll just listen to my eighteen Pink Floyd CDs and have an angst-ridden sing-a-long. All by myself. Queen of Music Loser Land.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

27 thoughts to “Music Loser”

  1. Oh, I’m a bigger music loser than you. I am still lost in the 80s, and what makes me nervous is that I am passing this on to my kid. He’s into Billie Jean, Atlantic Starr (“Secret Lovers? I love that song!!”)…but I figure, he’ll be cool in no time and I’ll be left alone with my Earth, Wind and Fire. Isn’t that funny – no child, except those born to Madonna and Michael Jackson (oh, there I go again with the 80s), will think his/her mom is music cool…
    .-= Cecilia´s last blog ..Love, Sparks and Fireworks =-.

  2. Another music loser here. I’m not sure when it became official, but it is. I’ve been relying on my husband to find me new music, but he’s only slightly less of a music loser than I am. Luckily, we have a friend who is music cool, and he occasionally takes pity on us and makes suggestions. If he ever decides we’re not worth his time anymore, I’ll just have to listen to my 18 Bob Dylan CDs on a loop.
    .-= jamie´s last blog ..I Don’t Know How He Does It =-.

  3. I guess only ppl in their 40’s say “Awesome” anymore. Cause I say it all the flippin time.

    I think knowing music has alot to do with what you were exposed to as a child. I share all kinds of music with my kids. Music is a huge part of who my family is. It something nice that my kids and I can talk about. Since as kids get older it is harder and harder to find things to talk to them about that dont make you seem lame as a parent.

    I also have different bands for my different moods.

    sad= Alice in Chains
    happy= Zepplin or anything from the 70’s (no country music)
    pissed off= pantara- Metallica-Rage Against the Machine

  4. Oh, I am so into music. I love it. I sing daily. Not like, in a recording studio or on a stage or anything… just in my office, walking down the hall, or in my mini-van. 🙂 I love eighties music, pop (top 40), hard rock, alternative, and a *little* bit of country. And I have to know the lyrics to everything. If I can’t understand the lyrics I will look them up and learn all of them. My kids (12 and 5) are just like me. They love music too. I can’t imagine my life without it because it makes me happy.
    .-= ShannonL´s last blog ..Procrastination =-.

  5. I once thought of myself as music savvy, but that was more years ago then I’ll admit. It’s hard to find new music. Okay, it’s probably easy, but I’m no longer hooked into where ever the good stuff is.
    And I like to think it doesn’t matter. My mother was stuck in classical music for the most part. But she was so exuberant, we couldn’t help but love music too. I’m clinging to that. If I show my kids I love it, they’ll find their own to love too, right?

  6. So funny! (And sadly true.) Though I choose to believe that my children will also love Pearl Jam and Nirvana because by the time they become music cool themselves 90’s grunge will be classic rock. And…damn, I’m just sounding older and older. I think I’ll shut up now and join your club of the musically uncool.

  7. Ahem……you are talking to someone who was a teenager in the 70’s and saw Queen before they became famous, in a cattle market hall no less which as a venue was an unwise choice because as the tightly packed bodies heated up the bovine smells became almost unbearable. But I DID get to stand less than ten feet away from Freddie Mercury all night! I am a rock chick and it’s a long time since I acquired new tastes especially given the fact that for years now a certain little person has insisted on listening to The Wiggles non stop in my car. Given my daughter will be a teenager in the “new” twenties all I can hope is that all the music I loved will be so old by then it will have reached a revival 🙂

  8. Luckily Joel is all about finding great new music, because I am also a music loser. A few bands I am into courtesy of Joel are The XX and Wye Oak.

  9. I don’t know who Justin Bieber is, but I feel pretty cool having the Lady GaGa album as well as The Black Eyed Peas. (Come one, their music is really good to dance to, and Mr. B always says, “Gotta get get.” I think that’s cool.)

    I think I am music cool, but I don’t have time to find the cool anymore. Here are some recommendations that I think are cool, and by cool, I don’t mean they’re on underground stations, necessarily.

    Edward Sharpe and The Magnetic Zeros.

    Natalie Merchant’s new album, Leave Your Sleep, in which she makes songs from poems. She is so brilliant and the album is totally amazing and you will want to lie in your hammock and listen to it.

    The Submarines
    Au Revoir Simone
    Yael Naim
    Bat for Lashes

    (Luckily, a neighbor hears of good stuff from his younger brother and then shares it with me.)

    Okay, so I think the above is cool, but I’m sure someone out there will tell me I’m so last year, or something.
    .-= Jana @ Attitude Adjustment´s last blog ..Then and Now =-.

  10. I was just thinking this morning about how one of my guilty pleasures is hit radio. It’s not so much the music, I find Bieber irritating, but the DJs crack me up. I often wonder what my children will think of my eclectic taste in music (will pretty much listen to anything) and whether they will just be annoyed by it like I was of my parents music.
    .-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..The Lonely Stay-at-Home-Mom =-.

  11. I think you sound like the coolest Mom on the planet. I don’t know Jack about music. Sometimes I listen to hip hop on the way to my job in the city because it makes me feel like I can relate to the kids. Of course it doesn’t really help at all, but I lie to myself : )
    .-= life with Kaishon´s last blog ..Peaceful =-.

  12. I don’t like listening to the radio. The moment they get a hold of a good song, they kill it with overplay. And so I’ve boycotted it for years, and looked for new music through friends and through

    Pandora opened my eyes to so many new bands – one of which became a favorite. I even named my daughter after this band. OK, technically that’s not true – we were looking for a name, the band had a cool name, we decided to use it. So close enough I guess.

    Anyway where was I again? Oh right. Pandora. It’s AWESOME.
    .-= Justine´s last blog ..Future awkward conversations with my kid =-.

  13. You will rule music cool when your kids are in their teens.

    Then just have them set up your iPod for you

    You can also keep current (now doesn’t that sound so dang hip??) by listening to Cafe Tonight on NPR in the evenings. or World Music on NPR, too.
    .-= Alexandra´s last blog ..Flaming Skulls in the Sky =-.

  14. That scene of you in your minivan reminds me of one of Roz Chast’s cartoons, “When Moms dance,” which is a family favorite around here. And I dance to the Black Eyed Peas, happily and unashamed.
    .-= Leslie´s last blog ..Motherlove (reprise) =-.

  15. all i have to say is that i got the “mommy, please don’t sing” from L long BEFORE his third birthday… and that totally blew my musical cool.

    and, my husband has informed me on multiple occasions that no one does “raise the roof” hands anymore, except me.

    there’s no reviving my cool over here as far as i can see. hell, i was probably lacking it in the first place.

    i say, just listen to what makes you happy and makes you want to sing along.
    and on that note, peace out.

    one, two, three, get funky!

  16. New music blasting from Every.effin’.crevice is just like mouldy pizza in your fridge[not necessarily YOUR,your..erm yea]-when it came it was all hot and funky,later its just well-mouldy and repelling.One of the reasons I stopped listening to the radio mostly,like one of your commenters here.Count me as second in command at yo majesty’s music loser’s court,will do me a world of good 😀

    Also,I say awesome.A LOT.And I’m 20.yikes?
    .-= Sweta´s last blog ..No.3..Wondering what THAT is? =-.

  17. I popped back to this post because I just had to see what it was. I know all the words to Allstar. The other day my daughter caught me 80’s dancing to 80’s music in my office chair, filmed it on her phone and threatened to put it on Youtube. And I think Pink Floyd is Totally Awesome.
    .-= motpg´s last blog ..Happy Mothers Day Moms! =-.

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