Laying On The Hotel Floor Does Not Make Your Children Sleep And Other Travel Tips

It just took laying on the floor of a dark hotel room to get my kids to fall asleep two hours after their normal bedtime.

And our room doesn’t have WiFi. Just an ethernet cord. That does NOT reach the bed.

So I’m in a dark room with two sleeping children. I’m afraid to move. I can pick up the lobby WiFi just enough to THINK THAT I HAVE WiFi. Which is actually how I spent my entire afternoon until I ASK THE FRONT DESK WHY MY WiFi KEPT BOOTING ME OFF.

Front desk: Your room doesn’t have WiFi.
Me: {wishing I had asked the question much quieter} Oh.

So I’m stuck writing. Instead of my usual, write for one minute, read other blogs for five minutes, tweet once, check email, oh yeah my post, writing method, also known as why I am up until midnight most nights.

And when I FINALLY accept that the WiFi that was not in my room is REALLY not in my room (five hours after being told), my iPhone freezes up.

I guess SOMEONE wants me to write. (I’m pretty sure it’s God.) And that someone is PISSING ME OFF. (Still pretty sure it’s God.)

Why won’t a random man with WiFi move into the room next door to me RIGHT NOW?

And OH HI! my kids are awake again… At least the little one is staring at me like: WTH are you doing using a computer that is not connected to the Internet? What is this 1990?

And the big one is making noises, too.

I’m being forced to parent.

PS. We are in NYC on our way up to Rhode Island. Scott is visiting his friends while I suffer without WiFi. Our next hotel better live up to blogspectations.

PPS. I’ve had twenty minutes in the last four hours with both kids asleep. This has GOT to be some sort of record. In the Guinness Book of Crap.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

20 thoughts to “Laying On The Hotel Floor Does Not Make Your Children Sleep And Other Travel Tips”

  1. That’s the trouble with hotel rooms and kids, there is no way to make it work and so very few places do family rooms with a separate room or alcove for the kids to sleep in. I don’t know why that is because I would always choose a hotel that did if it existed. Hope tomorrow night is better 🙂

  2. Hey, while all that SUCKS royaly. Maybe just maybe its really just a sign that your suppose to be enjoying the time “off” and not think about anything other than enjoying life. ; )

    Have an awesome time.

  3. Ouch! I though (very wrongly) that getting a suite would make it easier to get our big girl down. No. Yelling. Lots of yelling.

    Good luck!

  4. Kids in hotel room… we’ve done it once and we were set to leave a day early because we couldn’t bear the thought of another night. And, we only have ONE!

    I hope the rest of your trip is smoother… that sleep visits (all of you) and that WiFi is abundant. Thanks for the nostalgic reference to the blue cord! 😉
    .-= sarah´s last blog ..Torn =-.

  5. Kids and hotels…they don’t mix. Major suckage ensues. And, no wifi? That just upped the ante. I sure hope you get a night on the town out of th deal!

  6. Okay, I guess I’m the only weirdo who LIKES staying at hotels with my kids! They love it, too. They definitely stay up past their bedtime, but that is a given. But they go to sleep and stay asleep, thank goodness. Sorry it’s not working out for you. I hope your next hotel stay is better. And has WiFi!

    “blogspectations” – Love it! 🙂
    .-= ShannonL´s last blog ..A visit from a colleague =-.

  7. Oh, this is why I am afraid to travel. Even if my child miraculously does fall asleep, I won’t because he is in the room with me, and I will hear all his little noises and always be afraid he will wake up. Good luck!
    .-= The Sweetest´s last blog ..Creamy Baked Ziti =-.

  8. I actually haven’t figured out why I ever leave the house with my kids let alone go to a hotel and travel. Tomorrow I am camping, which will be worse. Can’t wait to tell you all about it. Also the fact that there are still hotels with no free wireless is IN. SANE.
    .-= tara´s last blog ..And The Coven Begins =-.

  9. Me too…arrived at 11 PM, I think I fell asleep before they did …at 1:00 they were up at 7 am and now we are back in the hotel room and they are being forced to nap! Even the older ones who think I am the Queen of Mean right about now but Lord Help me! (i do have wifi though…sorry!)

    1. Wow… I would’ve broken out the duct tape. (Although keeping E on his bed sort of demands duct tape too… don’t jump to conclusion! we don’t use duct tape… he just never stays on his bed! :))

  10. About 18 months ago, I had to go to Dallas for work. While I was in the hotel I opened up the laptop and clicked “Join Network”. It spooled and spooled and spooled and spooled and then FAIL.
    I went down and said, “Um, I can’t join the network via any of the access points.”
    The clerk said, “Oh, I think you need this!” and handed me a blue ethernet cable.
    I think I may have cried.
    And the cord was all of 16 inches long so I couldn’t sit online ANYWHERE but the weird desk area they had set up. What the hell good is my laptop if I cannot surf the internet while laying on the bed watching nothing buy a Real Housewives marathon and not having to change it to Dora the Explorer or having to help someone wipe their butt? Thanks for nothing, Architects of the hotel. Thanks for nothing.

    Also? My iPhone lost its 3G connection in the bathroom, so it was just a miserable trip for me.
    .-= GuiltySquid´s last blog ..First my fingers turned blue, I stole my doctor’s cell phone number and I’m pretty sure WebMD is responsible for Natasha Richardson’s death. I could just be wrong on that last part. The heading was ambiguous, y’all. =-.

  11. This may sound crazy but when we travel with my 2 1/2 year old we try to stay in a KOA “lodge” They have multiple rooms, a kitchenette, a private bathroom and most important – free WiFi! It allows us to watch TV, eat, sleep, and pee in peace while she sleeps in her own bed in another room. Also like the firepit! Did I mention free WiFi? 🙂

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