Our family has a bizarre obsession with underwear. Well, mostly me. And my daughter. (Which worries me. On many, many, levels.)
My son just avoids it at all costs.
(My husband is a no comment. Mostly because it’s no funny comment.)
For those who have known me since I had boobs, you already know that I ALWAYS had matching underwear and bra. And not the red and black undies with a black bra. I needed THE SET. And if I was running high on laundry and low on matching sets? I went braless. I just couldn’t handle it. Seriously. (Which is why everyone who knew me, knew.)
It wasn’t until FORCED BY PREGNANCY and breasts that grew into watermelons with nipples that I had to back off this strange obsession. I could not justify buying eight bras when my chest size changed every month. And I DARED not go braless. (I could’ve lost an EYE.)
And when it came to NURSING BRAS? Well, I was terrified of underwire because IT MIGHT AFFECT MY BREAST MILK SUPPLY. (Thanks La Leche League) And the most exciting non-underwire nursing bra? White cotton with BLACK AND RED DESIGNS ON THE INSIDE to stimulate my breastfeeding babies MIND. (And why do the nursing bra models have that come hither look? Seriously. Your boobs are like rocks made of milk in a big cotton sack with plastic clips. And you are complete numb from the waist down from fear that you might get pregnant again and have to PUSH A BABY OUT OF YOUR VA-JAY-JAY.)
So I gave in and let go of my UOD. With another pregnancy eleven months after weaning E, I have never gone back. (Sorry Scott.)
So you’re thinking: Your one year old daughter wears diapers. How do YOU KNOW if she carries UOD?
Well, I KNOW that she’s still wearing diapers because yesterday, Sally Dog and N were having a contest on who could poop the biggest, smelliest, and most often. N won.
But I also KNOW that N has UOD. And here is my scientific proof:
My remedy was to get pregnant, and I’m kinda hoping that N will wait a few decades.
So I’ve been moving some college savings into the Victoria’s Secret fund. It’s not tax-deductible but maybe we’ll qualify for disability.