As Of Now, We Are Only Prepared For The Slow Moving Zombies

Over the weekend Scott asks: Can I buy a hammock?

Me: {shrugging} Sure.

Scott loves relaxing and the hammock seems a perfectly easy way to make him happy.  And here is our son enjoying the hammock.

Which turns out to be a very TEACHABLE MOMENT. Because my husband is planning on us becoming TREE PEOPLE.

Do I hear you thinking: What are tree people?

Why they’re people who live in the trees POST-APOCALYPSE. You haven’t heard of them? Well, that’s because my husband MADE THEM UP.

But they are loosely based on Sid the Science Kid, a PBS cartoon. Specifically, the pulley episode. And since there seems to be only four episodes total, you may have seen it! Or go to this link and scroll down the sidebar FOREVER until you see the pulley song. Basically, the tree people use a pulley system to bring EVERYTHING into their tree home. We, meanwhile, will be living in a hammock. In this tree:

Scott goes on to inform me that he has diagrammed the attic-to-roof and roof-to-tree ratios and the tools needed to reach the tree in case of FAST MOVING ZOMBIES.

Of course, the 28 Days Later zombies could probably make the leap to our new home, also known as a TREE, as well as we can. So we’re kinda hoping for World War Z zombies, i.e., slow flesh-eating monsters who CANNOT climb trees.

Of course, I point out: The slow zombies will pile up around the tree and then climb each other to eat us. (I’m no dummy.)

But Scott replies: Ah, but every lower branch we cut is also a SPEAR.

Point taken. But I still think battening down the hatches in a Home Depot or Target would be better. (Yes, in fact, this conversation occurs so regularly in our home that I bought my husband this t-shirt for Christmas.)

Regardless of who or what brings the apocalypse (zombies, nuclear war, the Tea Party, a giant meteor), we are prepared.

Yes, that is four gallons of water and a hand crank radio. And we are currently debating how to legally obtain strong antibiotics. I was also informed a few months ago that if we ever have work done on a wall in our home, Scott may or may not dry wall a gun into that space.

I’ll just start praying for the really really slow zombies.  Like the world being attacked by ELDERLY ZOMBIES. Since we’ll need to BREAK DOWN A WALL and LEAP INTO A TREE to survive.

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Tagged as: Apocalypse, Eating, Marriage, My Son, Nature, Scott, Tools, Zombies