The Stairs of Death (DUNT DUNT DUH)

Every time my son rounds this corner, he says: OH MY GOSH!:

(First of all, my son says: GOSH! Coming from the womb and household of a Mama who spent a good chunk of third grade trying to get her BFF, M, to say: f*cksh*tf*cksh*tf*ckf*ckf*ck, this is amazing. Like a FREAKIN’ miracle. See what I mean?)

I have always laughed this off as an E oddity until I took a more discerning look at what is around the corner:

THE STAIRS OF DEATH.

Also known as my very messy house. I am NOT a naturally clean person. I don’t even like showering so how am I ever going to be bothered giving my house a bath. And in my defense, those steps ARE organized into piles of clean and dirty clothing. And an ace bandage.

But just to throw off E, I CLEANED THE STAIRS:

And as we round the corner, he says: OH MY GOSH!

AH-HA!

But then I realize, he’s probably never seen those last five stairs.

OH MY GOSH! THERE ARE STAIRS AT THE END OF THOSE STAIRS!

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

31 thoughts on “The Stairs of Death (DUNT DUNT DUH)

  1. That is too funny. Your son realizing that stairs have steps reminds me a bit of the first time my son saw me in a skirt – “WHA – what – what is that?!” I also like the analogy between keeping ourselves clean and our houses clean. My mother used to say to me and my messy college friend: “I think the condition of your apartments reflects the condition of your minds.” So there's another link, ha!

  2. Nice! But, there's nothing more dangerous than wool socks on a pair of fast feet going down clean wooden stairs. Just don't polish them with Murphy's Oil…dangerously slick situation.

  3. Oh don't worry. I don't believe in polish my floors. It's one principle I can live by. (Unless we are pretending to cross country ski. Which may or may not have happened in my house. And may or may not have lead to multiple falls and cries about how we are not going to win the gold now. Hey that was the only event covered at 3pm on the Olympics here. But I digress.)

  4. Wait? What does “action prone” mean? I avoid watching hoarders… in case, I see footage of my house. Actually we don't have cable. I know. You would think that would give me more time to clean the stair.

  5. So funny! I've got my E trained to say “Goodness me!”, instead of my preferred “Oh Sh*t!”. As far as the stairs at the end of the stairs, brilliant discovery! We've recently discovered the carpet in our family room…that was a monumental day.

  6. [ because curling would have been too much like cleaning what with those two brooms and all that sweeping movement….he he]

  7. ack! i just watched it for the first time the other day! Hoarders (the show) is pretty much designed to make you paranoid that you yourself are a hoarder (and therefor, eligible to be on their show… call 18002MUCHCRAP or 1800SERIOUSEMOTIONALISSUES)…that, or to make you turn a 180 and develop extreme OCD cleaning issues to counteract the hoarding tendencies. I clearly favor the first option (although, this week i also learned that Oprah's organizers claim you are hoarding if you save lost socks…wait, i do… what the??? i can't win!)

    our stairs always look like that, except that there's a little pile at the bottom AND the top (since I'm clearly so dediated to putting things away in their proper up/downstairs place.) Does it make you feel better that there's a pile of laundry permanently in our hallway…ALWAYS??? nightmarishly huge, and I hate addressing it b/c it's the stupid stained and soiled pile which means a few hours of cleaning misery for me, a bottle of shout and a tub or two of oxyclean. I avoid it at all costs, until my children run out of clothes and/or i can no longer sculpt the laundry pile into a vertical mass (usually when it becomes approximately as tall as I am… you think I'm joking?) Twice annually when there is NOT a laundry basket mountain in the upstairs hallway, I feel (like E's reaction in your post) – like I've just discovered a new part of the house! : )

    excuse me… better go attack that laundry? wait, does everyone have clean clothes for tomorrow? in that case, forget it!

  8. Yay for messy homes (although I don't actually like living in a messy home. I am just congenitally incapable of doing anything about it. Sometimes I long for just a little bit of what makes those clean types tick).

  9. Ooh, I'd like to know that too… and then steal it from their brains. (I just finished watching Supernatural, which if you watch that show, excuses this comment.)

  10. a) your comment cracked me up
    b) I like to think of my stairs as dedication to items being put in their proper places as well. It's just that those items need to grow legs.
    c) And it sounds like your dirty laundry pile may one day do that if you aren't careful

  11. well, one things for sure, with that pile at the bottom, if he ever falls down, he'll have a nice cushion 😉

    LOVE it when my little ones say things like “gosh”. Too cute!

  12. Ha! My boy says “Oh gosh,” too, and covers his face with his hands when he says it. That got started because of my reaction to his sudden need to quickly climb the stone steps in our yard without any hand-holding.

  13. Hah! I HATE cleaning. Loathe is a better word. I will blame my mother on this as I was not forced to do chores (just pick up my room…sometimes). There is this book called Sink Reflections that is written by people like us to help us…if we WANT help. I am not saying you need to change anything. I love organized chaos personally and can't stand it when my husband moves my piles cuz then I'm SCREWED.

  14. I have a huge storage room of doom above my garage. Entire families have been lost in there, but it keeps my stairs clean. Unfortunately, my cats lay on the stairs, because they're mean and like to trip people.

  15. Hahahaha!!! My cats are AMAZING at tripping me — I think it's their
    superpower (along with night vision, napping, and meowing like they haven't
    eaten in a week instead of two hours ago)

    ps. i clicked on your url to your yahoo openid page but there wasn't
    anything listed (which is fine but I wasn't sure if you knew). thanks for
    checking out my blog!!!

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