On Our Next Date He Asks How I Want To Die. We’ve Been Together Ever Since.

When my husband and I first met, we thought that we were SO MUCH alike. I can still remember sitting on my bed with him discussing how we wanted to die.

He says: I’d like to run into the road to push a child out of the way of a moving bus, saving him before the bus crushed me.

A huge chill goes through me. I can hardly move. THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I WANT TO GO!

I can still recall that shock of recognition. And I little voice inside: He may be my person.

We all have a person. Someone who gets us. Those little ways we tick and jump and live. I don’t always think our person is the someone we marry. Sometimes it’s a friend or a child or a teacher. Whoever SEES us for who we are. And love us for who he sees.

Our courtship is wonderful and angst-y like two 14-year-olds trapped in 24-year-old bodies. I cry every Tuesday for our entire dating career. Why? I have no idea. But I am like clockwork. Then again Scott gets grumpy every Friday. I remember calling him one Friday night only to find out that he’s sitting under a tree in the dark on the University of Virginia campus. I get in the car and pick him up. I give him back the hug that he gave me on Tuesday. I love him so much more.

We grow. We discuss God and religion. I tell him that I have this relationship with God that has nothing to do with religion. God is OUTSIDE CHURCH, too. He tells me that he just found God in the Bible. In Romans. And GOD ISN’T MEAN. We are both surprised.

I challenge his judgements on sex and abortion. He challenges mine on medicine and Christianity. And we eventually agree. We rarely fight. WE ARE IN LOVE!

And although it’s not surprising that we might fall in love with each other because it’s like falling in love with ourselves, we are not the same person. Over the days and months and years, we see each other for who we are and not just reflections of ourselves. He likes Pedro the Lion and Seven Mary Three and I like Pink Floyd and The Pharcyde. He dresses preppy with a touch of punk. I dress NOT-WITHIN-TEN-MILES-OF-PREPPY with a touch of hippie. He picks up the floor. I step over the toys. He didn’t know his mom’s birthday. I send birthday cards to every friend and family member. He bathes daily. I remember to bath the kids because I put a reminder IN MY PHONE. He eats ramen noodles. I want sushi.

And this month when I walk past the sink, I holler: SCOTT!

Scott walks over to me: What’s up?

I point to the sink: Look! It’s us!

At least my side is nicely stacked.

PhotoStory Friday
Hosted by Cecily and Caitlin

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on LateEnough.com, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

30 thoughts to “On Our Next Date He Asks How I Want To Die. We’ve Been Together Ever Since.”

  1. I found my person too and so when I read this post I completely understood. I’ve been with my husband for 17 years, married in September for 10 (wow!!) and I wouldn’t trade a day of it, for anything. It always puts a smile on my face to read when others have found the same. So happy for you.
    .-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Full =-.

  2. You have the best titles. One can’t help but read even when the baby’s crying.

    This reminds me that I need to think about those early days more to enjoy how far we’ve come (my husband and I) and how much we’re evolving still. Maybe I’ll write something similar one day, but I know I won’t have as great a title.
    .-= Jana @ Attitude Adjustment´s last blog ..The Unbearable Lightness of Swinging =-.

  3. Avatar, is that you? “I see you” Hisssss…:) The key to a good relationship is just what you’ve described. “Getting” the other person for who they are,instead of constantly trying to mold them into an image of ourselves. Thanks for this post!
    .-= Reasonably Chubby´s last blog ..Remember This? =-.

  4. “run into the road to push a child out of the way of a moving bus, saving him before the bus crushed me”

    This is from a movie called Stranger than Fiction, go see it you both, good luck on your original way to die

  5. How sad is it that I thought of Gray’s Anatomy when I read how you both want to die (if you don’t watch, my apologies).

    Moving on… this was BEAUTIFUL. Truly. Isn’t it amazing to actually end up with your perfect match? If you think about it, it’s like a miracle that out of all the people out there… you found each other. Your perfect complement.

    I know we’d get along… seems like we have a lot in common (messy side of the sink and all).
    .-= becca´s last blog ..My partnership =-.

  6. KX, I’m pretty sure there are a lot of emotionally stunted people out there who had the same thought as us before the movie came out and way before we got healthy. Luckily, we dont really think about that stuff anymore. The way I’d like to die is really old and with my wife, while my grown-up kids are living great lives. (I think that might be from a movie too. )
    ps. you are wierd.

    pss. I love my wife. (Dont make me fight you)

  7. I love unconventional love stories best – and this is one of them.

    We are so very fortunate to have our own persons in our lives. It’s like living the Jerry Maguire “you complete me” and When Harry Met Sally and Annie Hall and Pretty Woman (minus THAT DRESS) moments every day of our lives.

    Here’s to our persons, and to the rest of our crew — our peeps! — without whom, where would we be?
    .-= Justine´s last blog ..Clean slate meets open book =-.

  8. I’ve always wanted to take a picture of my husband’s dresser drawers next to mine. His are perfect and organized. Mine are STUFFED full. But I know where everything is. While he was home for paternity leave after our son was born, he got really excited one day and said, “Hey! You know what we should do? Organize your drawers!” And I shot back equally excited, “Or! Maybe today, we could love me the way I am!” And then I winked at him. And then he laughed at me. And then he compromised by organizing my closet for me while I slept with the baby.

    I love your story. Thanks for sharing!
    .-= Story Lady´s last blog ..Snack Time =-.

  9. Great post – finding people who see us – our best us – is a wonderful thing.
    I went to college with Scott, and it’s great to see he hasn’t changed much (still goofy), and better to see he’s found such a great someone.
    .-= Kate´s last blog ..Puppy love =-.

  10. Found mine. Love him!

    Great post for a Friday. It made me feel all gushy and mushy inside.

    I will add that everytime I look at Baby Girl’s face, I know hubs is “the” one.

  11. Aw…that’s sweet, and a great tribute to your hubby. What’s remarkable too is that you wrote this *after* 2 kids. I love the expression “your person,” and your line “Look! It’s us!” at the end and the photo of the sink are priceless!!
    .-= Cecilia´s last blog ..Mothering, Memories =-.

  12. Opposites really do attract, don’t they?

    Funny about the sink; I would rather the sink be full and the counter be empty and my husband would prefer the opposite. Never mind the fact that the ideal is that both be empty!

    PS Thank you for changing your comments. Disqus hates me.

  13. This was nice… I remember dating a girl sitting in a park, rolling the stems of clovers in between my finger nail and finger tips as we leaned back. I asked her if she ever found a four leaf clover. She said she had… “Lots of times”, I had never, I said. As she talked I was staring at the clouds, I was rolling this one stem and without looking plucked it. It was a four leaf clover. This was one of many cool things that happened with my first love. We later broke up though…

  14. “And although it’s not surprising that we might fall in love with each other because it’s like falling in love with ourselves, we are not the same person.”

    Love this sentence. Love this post. Love the title. Love the outcome. Love it all.

    What I find most comforting is the shift over time. The differences grow stronger, but, especially with children underfoot, the similarities are even stronger. There comes this feeling of “we will not be broken” that softens marriage, and delivers grace when days and weeks go by feeling all kinds of angst-y again, as if 14, but not.
    .-= Sarah´s last blog ..Moving into Motherhood: Revisited =-.

  15. Brilliant!! Brilliant!! Absolutely brilliant. I hope you are writing a book, Alex. Because if you are not, it is a shame. You are such an amazingly talented writer. This is exactly what love feels like and I love it when you said, “And although it’s not surprising that we might fall in love with each other because it’s like falling in love with ourselves, we are not the same person. Over the days and months and years, we see each other for who we are and not just reflections of ourselves.” This is so true and though I knew this inside I don’t know if I would have ever had the insight to say it. Thank you for your wonderful amazing brilliance, Alex. REading your blog is an absolute treasure.

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