I thought that God would give us only girls. We are feminists. S was apart of an anti-sexual assault group throughout college and medical school. I am always fighting against the old boys club (which is probably why I couldn’t get along with ANYONE during my surgery rotation). We are GIRL parents.
But at our first 20 week ultrasound, there was a penis. And E was born 19 weeks later. (Already such a good boy — arriving six days early!)
So now I have this little boy to nurture and grow. A boy that I worry about as much as I worry about my girl. And from a WHO-CARES-ABOUT-WHITE-MEN woman, it’s quite a surprise to me.
My biggest fear (which is not unique to me) is E learning to be someone he’s not:
Pink is a GIRL color.
Boys don’t have BABY DOLLS.
Isn’t that TUTU for your sister?
So when we discovered E’s love of tassels on the end of bike handles, my wonderful husband bought him a set. And when my husband gave the sparkly flower tassels to E, my son said with joy: I love them so much! Thank you, Dada!
So maybe God gave us a boy so he could just be any kid he wants to be… for just a little longer….
![Photo_032708_002[1]](http://www.lateenough.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/Photo_032708_0021-150x150.jpg "Photo_032708_002[1]")
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This post made me cry… partly because I met E right before and right after he was born. And that alone was a total honor. What a beautiful boy he is!
But the other reason I got teary was because I wonder what the world would be like if more men had had parents that allowed them to like what they like. More parents that encouraged tomorrow's men to nurture a doll. More parents like you. Thank GOD you have a boy.
My only wish is that my daughters will fall in love with men (or women, for that matter) raised by people like you!
Just maybe! :D
It's funny that you say this. I was the resident feminist at my old school, and students thought I was going to die when I found out I was having a boy. (I knew I was having one before I even got pregnant.) I love having a sweet, sensitive boy, and I also think that some of my political anger has toned down a bit. (Probably a good thing.) Now a girl, on the other hand…. I have way more in store for her than I think she needs, and probably too much expectation. That's actually what I'll have to work on. (Because girly things are okay. Maybe even fairytales? That's gonna be a tough one.)
It's okay. Crying is sorta a hobby in this family.
i went into complete shock at the ultrasound. And because i was SO convinced it would be a girl, I thought that I had no maternal instincts either (i couldn't FEEL that it was a boy)… but the same thinking happened for me. I'm so happy to have my lovely My Little Pony, soccer-loving, dirty, sparkly son.
And I'm glad that we found each other cyber-twin.
it seems like we're born laid back, then get all uptight about what everyone thinks, and when we get old, we get laid back again… i'm looking forward to it! (if only it didn't come with gray hair and wrinkles..)
Heck yeah! And you're only old once too so maybe we need tutus too!!
I'm sure you already know this, but you are so NICE. And your comment made my day. I'm glad that our love for him comes across.
What a fabulous quote! In fact, a friend just quoted you on twitter to other friends! You're the talk of the twown!! (twitter + town. I'm a loser.)
I was surprised at how much I had to walk through the double-standard, too, because I was also a tomboy. I actually didn't even think that there WAS a double-standard until I had a boy and would stop and think about what color his shirt was.
I love that Abby Caddaby is on the nursery wall. You rock!
My daughter wears some of my son's hand-me-downs and people think she's a boy. But people thought E was a girl so I just shrug… I am surprised at how much I enjoy putting bows in her hair though!
I'd love the link to your blog post on it!
I didn't know what kind of parent I was – we didn't find out until she was born that (for now at least) we will be girl parents. We would have been happy either way, and I think we would also have to be careful either way with how they perceive themselves, whether through our eyes or society's.
Yes, she may wear a pink shirt, but if she wants a blue one from the boys' section, that's fine by us too. In fact, more power to her, to be able to enjoy a wider selection when shopping.
I've posted about this in my own blog, and every day I watch out for emerging signs of gender role acceptance, and every day I wonder what I would do.
I grew up the only girl on the block my age and played with rough and tumble boys 24/7. I had G.I. Joe action figures, Star Wars, He-Man. I was offended when I was told I had to play the “girl” part when role playing because I was a girl. I could be a great Skeletor! When She-Ra came on the seen I felt vindicated. I went to WWF wrestling matches and wanted to be a Roller Derby Queen. So why do I balk at Riley wanting to play with my make-up? That's a little double standard I didn't even think about! So, I painted Abby Caddaby on my baby's nursery wall. “What if it's a boy?” My husband questioned. He'll think fairies are magical and fun…and? Riley loved pink so much he never saw it, so this kid will not be deprived. Boy or not.
Children are children, don't you think.
I posted up a quote when my children were itty bitty, and it's been up since. “Accept a child for who he is, and watch him blossom.”
Amen.
It sounds like E is a lucky (and adorable, I might add) little boy to have two parents who are crazy about him. As it should be.
You're only young once and why not enjoy it whether it's wearing your sisters tutu or having tassels on your bike
I've caught my 3 year old wearing my daughter's dresses. Not out in public, mind you, but whatever floats your boat, as my very old parents would say. I think at this age they really just don't care.
PS Nice pictures – what a handsome little guy!!
GREAT post!! I love this topic and, at risk of sounding like your twin again, I totally hear you on the “We are GIRL parents.” I am such a feminist, went to a women's college blah blah…I wanted a girl soooo badly and literally cried for 2 days after we saw the ultrasound. Now I just love my son beyond words and I love having the chance to raise him to be a good man. One of his best friends is a girl, and for his birthday he was praying like crazy she'd get him a Barbie. His heart just sunk when he unwrapped the present and saw that it wasn't a Barbie. I don't care though. He likes hello Kitty too, and bugs and race cars and dirt. It's sad society starts shaping them to be a certain way. I think it's GREAT that your husband got your son the tassles. Maybe even more important than the messages we moms give is the messages the dads give. See?? Score another point for having done your job landing the right guy!
Great Post. I know I am an emotional mess already. But I cried looking at the picture (which boys aren't supposed to do:)
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