E: Mama! I have to PEE!!
Me: Wait. We are almost home.
E (near tears): BUT I HAVE TO PEEPEE
Me: Okay, we’re almost there (as we hit every STUPID RED LIGHT for the next six blocks)
E: The pee-pee is coming Mama!
Me (thinking): OH CRAP. I don’t want to clean his car seat.
Me (saying): Well, try to hold it, but if you can’t, that’s okay, too. (The good angel on my shoulder gives herself a high-five.)
Light turns green. I blast off from zero to forty-five at minivan speed. We careen left.
E: E’s HOUSE!
I slam on the brakes. Throw off my seat belt. Dash around car. Ignore my other child.
E (holding car door closed): I want to go out the window.
Me: What? I just broke three laws and ran over a cat to get you home to pee! Get out of the car! (The little devil punches the angel for extra measure.)
E: Okay. But through the window.
Exasperated and well-aware of who is cleaning the car seat, I pull him through the window. And he runs off to the first liriope bush in our front yard, drops pants, and pees. For like an hour. As I give mouth-to-mouth to the cat and wonder if N’s still in the car.