We had our roof redone after living in our home for one year which means our house inspector STUNK! (Wow. That word does not look as powerful in caps.  Or when said aloud.  We need a G-rated replacement for SUCKS.  Ideas?).  However, since we got a good deal on the home (So good the sellers tried to get OUT of the deal after signing the contract because another family offered MORE money), I let that go.  The leaks.  The shingles in the gutter.  LET IT GO.  Until the roofers show up.

Now they don’t ask me anything or talk to me at all.  Which is great because all I know is: The roof is up there.  But they were LOUD.  Like BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG.  Like capital letters aren’t cutting it here.  And it lasted for 14 hours. (Not straight.  Clearly, we did not have six men sleeping on our roof.)  For a whole new roof it seems pretty impressive.  But for a mom with two little kids?  It DRAINS.  (Is that a good substitute for SUCKS?)

The first day N fell asleep while breast feeding but the BANG BANG BANG in her room would NEVER keep her asleep.  So I bring her downstairs and put her in the kitchen in a bassinet that is slated to be given away.  I use the Sleepmaker Waves Free iPhone app (I love my phone) and turn off everything that remotely makes noise (which is every other appliance in our kitchen) and sat on the muted computer.  For like two minutes.  Because at the same time, my son is doing his quiet time in his room which over looks the roof.  (We keep him in the attic.  Shhhhh…)  And although one would think that guarantees a LOOOONG quiet time, my son also likes to get naked.  He comes home from preschool?  Naked in… Five. Four. Three Two. One.  BUNS EVERYWHERE!  This winter, we have at least convinced him to wear a shirt most afternoons, but you can just see in his eyes the he’s DESPERATE to bare it all!

My friends and family have seen E naked but I don’t know these roofers.  And I’m a paranoid mother.  So I run upstairs and spend 10 minutes convincing E to wear underwear.  All the while afraid that N will wake up, sit up, and fall out of the bassinet.

Because BANG BANG BANG doesn’t let me hear either kid when I’m with the other one.  And the elves have hidden the monitors AGAIN!

I did it again the next day.  And never got out of my sweatpants.

I will say that through this short and loud experience, I have gained new perspective.  My home and children are QUIET.  Quiet compared to six men throwing shingles off my roof and BANG BANG BANG-ing new ones on.  So this new perspective should last about a week.  But today I’m grateful!  Yay me!

PS. We did get awesome Energy Star rated shingles.  My house feels cooler and greener already.

Alex Iwashyna

Alex Iwashyna went from a B.A. in philosophy to an M.D. to a SAHM, poet and writer by 30. She spends most of her writing time on, a humor blog (except when it's serious) about her husband fighting zombies, awkward attempts at friendship, and dancing like everyone is watching. She also has a soft spot for culture, politics, and rude Southern people who offend her Yankee sensibilities. She parents 2 elementary-aged children, 1 foster baby, 3 cats, and 1 puppy, who are all Southern but not rude. Yet.

2 thoughts to “BANG BANG BANG”

  1. you are so talented and i love reading these in the morning before work. Your wriing style reminds me a lot of my father’s…and that is a huge compliment that I don’t think I have ever given anyone else =) love ya!

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