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Bubble Gum Love

by Alex Iwashyna

in Motherhood

“Can I have gum?” (repeat 500 times)

“No, sweetie.” (repeat 500 times)

“BUT I HAD GUM YESTERDAY!”

“Ah, remember yesterday, when I loved you enough to give you gum?”

Gum Ball Machine

Now I know why my gum ball machine was always empty as a kid.

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My Son Writes A Poem And Typing It Here Means I Cannot Steal It

My Son
Poetry for Young People: The Seasons

It seems like every month is dedicated to enough issues for me to ignore the entire concept, but April is National Poetry Month, and my son broke out the shortest, wittiest, loveliest poem I’ve heard in a very long time. In a world of two, There is no ‘who?’ It actually took me a minute to get it, and I googled to make sure the lines weren’t from some poem I didn’t know. Instead, I found out what it’s like […]

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Frozen Plus Whatever Your Kid Loves Equals A Cake From Arendelle (Close To Heaven)

Food (Looks Bad Tastes Good)
Cake Frozen

My daughter has gone from one favorite thing in the world, puppies, to two: puppies and the movie, Frozen. While we still stop to pet every dog we pass and almost every game we play is a variation of puppies — puppy princesses, puppy family, puppy tag — we are also singing Frozen tunes and possibly going by the names Elsa and Anna while we do it. We saw the movie twice in theaters (once for the singalong!) and at […]

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I Ask: How Do You Treat Your Migraine?

I Ask Advice
Late Enough I Ask Advice Button

I had a migraine last night so I stayed in and went to bed. I slept 10 hours and during this, I dreamed. I dreamed that I went to the book group I was supposed to attend Wednesday night and I couldn’t concentrate and I wasn’t very nice because my head hurt so much during the dream. I woke up thinking: I did the right thing going to bed. Thanks brain. I’m back to getting migraines at least once a […]

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We Will Tell Them They Are Clouds, But We Will Know They Are Farts

My Family
My son drawing farts

Just so you don’t think I only post stories to give you guy money, here’s an update on our bathroom redo. We hired a princess to help. And I picked out samples of two possible background colors. My kids helped me to incorporate the gorgeous accent color. When I explained that while I loved it, farts may be more appropriate in their bathroom than the downstairs one used by our guests, my 4-year-old shrugged and said: You can tell them […]

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Pain Does Not Lead To Joy

Cultural Norms (that are abnormal)
John Green Pain and Joy

I have been thinking too much about dichotomy.  The songs which swear, hand over heart, we don’t know happiness without sadness. The philosophers who contend we don’t appreciate something until it’s lost. That physics is in our souls so the most profound heartbreak must be followed by an equal and opposite joy. I’ve thought about it more because in The Fault in Our Stars by John Green the main character, while dying, dismisses the notion. It seems to me appreciation […]

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My Sister Is Getting Married!

Fashion and Flare
getting hair colored

My daughter wakes up every morning and says: HOORAY! WE ARE HEADING TO AUNT KATIE’S WEDDING! Her life will be much less disappointing when she can read a calendar, but my sister’s wedding is quite soon, which is why I won’t be blogging much this week. I need to save my best for my Matron of Honor speech — the pressure is on when you’ve been pretending to be a writer for four years. Besides being the Matron of Honor, […]

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I Thought The First Kiss Video Was Creepy. Don’t Kick Me Out Of Humanity.

Awkward
FirstKissScreenShot

Confession: the 20 Strangers Kissing For The First Time video mostly creeped me out even before I heard it was an ad with mostly models, actors and musicians. But once I did know, I expected communal backlash. Instead I still see it posted on everywhere with BEAUTY! LOVE! HUMANITY! Maybe I’m missing the humanity chromosome, but I don’t see a human connection. I’ve never been pulled off the street, dressed by an Los Angeles boutique and paired with a stranger […]

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Television Messages

Awkward
Bloody car message 1

I woke up one morning late last week and went out to my garage only to be greeted by a dripping red message written on my car. OMG WHAT THE !?!? IS THAT BLOOD? DID I PISS SOMEONE OFF? AM I ALONE RIGHT NOW? QUICK! START SPINNING AROUND AND FLAILING FOR A WEAPON. As I was about to fend off my probable attacker, I refocused on the entire picture of terror: Later that day Scott asked: Did you get my […]

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I Hate Daylight Saving Time and Enough Links For Your Weekend

Reading & Writing Elsewhere
Daylight Saving Time 2014

The hell that is daylight saving time begins this weekend. I never feel more powerless than those two times a year I have to change my clock. Because of this antiquated tradition, I’ve learned to hate the government and Facebook status updates with Yay for more light!. GET UP EARLY AND GET SUN, YOU LAZY PEOPLE, AND STOP SCREWING WITH TIME. The kids and I are constitutionally incapable of falling asleep early come “spring ahead” Sunday, but we still have to […]

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